The Terrible Coffee Song
(Evil Brown Stuff)

Terrible coffee, why are you here?
I'd rather drink off milk, or stale old beer.

Terrible coffee, you torture my tongue;
No-one in their right mind would drink you for fun.

Terrible coffee from a vending machine
It's not even worth drinking you for caffeine.

Terrible coffee! A blight on the Earth
I paid nothing for you; it's more than you're worth.


This song is dedicated to the free vending machine at First City Insurance, which I can only assume was provided as part of some kind of sick practical joke. I wrote it on the Tube coming home one evening, with the acrid aftertaste still in my mouth. It took me about an hour to realise that the tune I was using was Peaches, by The Presidents of the United States of America. It also fits with Scarborough Fair, I realised soon afterwards, but Peaches is far better. I've played with a couple of other tunes for it...

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