This is, to put it simply, an extremely disturbing website.

Forget your goatses, your tubgirls, your Greenpeaces: no, this is disturbing on a whole new level. It's not "art", as was said above, it's just fucking creepy, mm'kay?

My little clickstream went like this. I got shown a contour diagram, then a bear with no face (and the page title "pooooooo..."), then some children laughing at the word "stupidbad", then a face that rotated a few degrees and then went back, then a weird piano pattern, then an ASCII representation of a woman's face.

Now, combining all of these together makes for something very weird. I am writing this at 5:18AM GMT, and it's scaring my nuts off. But still, I visit this dump so you don't have to...

I'm then taken to what looks like a normal article, about meat. Except every instance of the word "meat" is a link. Clickety...I get a 7 year old asking me if I've met the bees. Clickety. "Don't click on me, it upsets the bees" says the 7 year old. Alrighty *CLICK*..."Now you've done it. The bees have left.". Hooray. I hate bees. Click.

I'm asked if I want to go left or right, because these are apparently places bees like to go, Fine, right. Then I'm taken to...well...I'll quote this page entirely:

Dear Kids,

Your Aunt Viv and I would both like to apologize for the incident which occured on Thanksgiving this year. We both felt strongly about the turkey neck, but certainly those feelings are not as strong as the feelings for the members of our family.

Please accept our apologies. I'm sure next year will be much better.

Uncle Jay


But still...clickety...3 pictures of a couple, and the legend "Left: Jay uses this device sometimes". There's nothing there, but there's a sodding bee (It leads back to the 7-year old). I click the second one down, and am taken to a letter. Clickety...

This picture of me was taken when I was in heaven. It was fun. I was bathed in a golden light the whole time. They gave me this suit to wear, but I had to give it back the same day.

Yes. Right. *CLICK*.

More bees. Except this time, we have a whole story. Here it is, for your pain (Note: This really is unpleasant reading. I can't explain, just only read if you have a VERY strong stomach or like pain. Don't sue me if you don't like it. I'm not really sure whether this is legally A-OK, but seeing as Superbad is still up, here goes)

Bees. Swarming buzzing bees. Tickling temperamental bees. Bees with pointy painful stingers.

The boy poured honey down his back and shook his buttocks left to right. The naked crazy boy. He passed by the beehives, jogging not running. Taking his sweet innocent time, through the grass, toward the white perfumy clover field. The bees rose in a fuzzy brown boil, filtered out their hive, cleaved the air like an arrow aiming for honey-dripping bare-bummed Johnny. Little Johnny boy smiled broad and white, his feet advancing toward the clover, tossing his hips from side to side, breathless voice issuing forth, "Beeeeez.Zzzzzzzhahahahahaaaaaaaa."

Little Johnny boy slipped a finger between his perspiring crack, taking away honey as if from the stale edges of a white bread sandwich. Johnny loved the bees, almost as much as the sticky sweet clinging of honey that formed and hung like stalactites from his perineum, dripped dripping drops.

The bees closed in. Thousands of bees, their murmuring buzzing chorus titillating little Johnny boy, stingers angry and shining in the sun, quivering mad. Johnny jogged toward the clover field, licking his finger of the sweet sweaty honey. Honeybuns, Johnny thought, and laughed until he fell rolling over the start of clover. Honeybuns, thought Johnny, and he laughed, giggled, a smile playing over his bare freckled puss. "Beeeeeeez!" Johnny exclaimed, as a fuzzy buzzing cloud converged on little Johnny's honey sticky ass.
The sun rolled in golden fury, and hours later, when it had turned a dark red, and sunset swollen, little Johnny boy lay stiff and puffy, pink and happy, dead stinking sweet.

Now, that has to count as one of the most disturbing pieces of fiction (Jesus Christ I hope it's fiction) ever. But still, I have to keep clicking. I click the large bee at the bottom, and I'm taken to a picture of engine parts. Whee. Now I see a squirrel, talking about (I kid you not) the Soviet Union. Yup, just while I'm suffering permanent psychological harm, a squirrel's giving me lessons on communists. Huzzah. he's asking me if there are any volunteers. Ah...clickety. "Directions of use for proposal form"...OK. Now an outline of two people kissing tiled, click...oh look, the same goddamn picture, larger. Yay. Click...and now onto something about "Monster Mountain and captin America". I quit the browser at this point because a) I was scared shitless and b) I was thirsty.

I hope that gives you an extremely good reason to NEVER visit this website unless very drunk, very stupid, or very unsubsceptible to insanity. And please, for the love of God, don't ask me to go back there...
Seth: You know when you hear girls say 'Ah man, I was so shit-faced last night, I shouldn't have fucked that guy?' We could be that mistake!

Superbad (2007) is a semi-autobiographical film written by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, began when they were both 13 and refined over and over again. It is about their high school years, which, in the movie at least, includes a quest for their first sexual encounter; the plump and curly-haired Jonah Hill plays Seth and tall lanky Michael Cera plays Evan. This movie is the third in a series of View Askew-esque films reusing the same producers, writers, directors, and actors, succeeding The 40-Year-Old Virgin (2005) and Knocked Up (2007) and followed by Drillbit Taylor (2008) and Pineapple Express (2008)*. Indeed, Hill, as well as Rogen, are in both of the previous two.

Mild spoilers lay ahead, which, given the relatively simple nature of the plot, I don't think are a big deal, and I don't give away the ending. But still, spoilers there are.

The plot is centered around a party that one of their female classmates - Jules (Emma Stone) - is throwing while her parents are out of town. Evan and Seth decide that this is an ideal opportunity to lose their virginity and their master plan is to get a girl drunk enough to do that for them. Evan is pining after a girl attending the party - Becca (Martha MacIsaac) - and Seth (who hates Becca for an initially mysterious reason) is pining after Jules, the party's hostess. There are several catches here, though. One, they're both geeks. Two, they promise to bring booze - which of course had something to do with them being invited. Third, they are under 21 years old, and, despite the setting and clothing (and Seth's hairstyle) sometimes suggesting they are in the 1980's, the ubiquitous use of cellular phones makes it definitely set in present day, where minors purchasing alcohol is certainly illegal.

And fourth, and perhaps most importantly, the only way they can get the booze is by reluctantly inviting their third wheel, a guy so geeky he's in a subclass of geek that is often even too geeky for Evan and Seth. This guy is Fogell (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), but you will forget the character's real name later and need to look it up on (as I just did) because after he gets his fake ID - the reason Seth and Evan need him - he is known throughout the rest of the movie - and the American film-going audience - as McLovin.

Indeed, this initially unremarkable but hilarious plot turn, whereupon Seth pops a vein when he sees Fogell's ridiculous ID - a Hawaii state driver's license with only one name ("McLovin") - sparked a national sensation. "I am McLovin" tee shirts began popping up for sale on the internet (remember "Vote for Pedro", anyone?). But use this ID they must to deliver the promised alcohol, which is more dire for Evan because he promised Becca a specific beverage, one of her favorites.

But a disaster happens while trying to purchase the alcohol at a local liquor store - a holdup where McLovin is knocked in the head - leads to Seth and Evan leaving him behind, convinced the cop cars arrive at the store to arrest him for trying to illegally purchase the spirits they'd promised their potential mates. This leads to a hilarious sequence of events where McLovin spends the evening riding around in a squad car with two bumbling and inexperienced cops, Officer Michaels (played by Seth Rogen - who again, as in the first two films, fulfills multiple roles) and Officer Slater (Bill Hader). Fogell's subsequent outrageous adventures in the movie actually upstage what Evan and Seth - the main characters - are doing, which is mostly spending most of the night just trying to get to the party, and somehow beforehand get the alcohol they'd promised. But that's OK, because leaving the zany belly-laugh comedy to McLovin & Co. serves as a great distraction, allowing Seth and Evan's night to be slightly more realistic, and heartfelt, including an emotional scene where Seth and Evan argue and reveal their true feelings about each other (no, not those kinds of feelings).

I will reveal, though, that they all do eventually make it to the party, but what exactly happens there I will not.

Overall, like Virgin and Knocked Up before them, it's filled with raunchy humor and f-bomb-laden salty dialogue (a tad too much I'd argue). There's actually a scene where Seth, while finally explaining why he hates Becca, reveals a strange habit of his to Evan, which becomes a dirty running joke that would cause Jerry Fallwell to turn over in his grave and could even make Dr. Dirty blush. It is definitely a film that does what it wants, crosses almost all the lines you might think of, but again, like the previous two movies in the series, somehow has an underlining sweetness to it, especially considering the nature of Evan and Seth's friendship, about as loving as a friendship between two guys can get while staying straight.

And, actually, contradicting my opening paragraph, this is really what the film is about. Not sex. Not booze. Not parties. Not McLovin and his cop friends using their guns to shoot up the squad car just for laughs. It's about a close and virtually indestructible friendship between two high school buddies, a friendship the film does a very nice, realistic job of portraying.

Overall, I give it 3 out of 4 stars. And comparing it to other comedies, 3.5 out of 4 stars.


The moral quandary if this film is that Evan and Seth's master plan is to get a girl drunk to have sex with her, which one could actually consider a form of rape, could mean that the two are possibly headed towards committing a premeditated felony. However, I feel that these two are good guys with good hearts and that they are too young and dumb to be aware that what they're planning could be a crime. I hope I'm not giving too much away by saying this, but at the end of the day, no rape takes place in this movie. But it is just a movie, and considering how things turn out, I don't think it encourages or condones this method of getting laid.

Release Date: August 17, 2007
Directed By: Greg Mottola
Written By: Evan Goldberg, Seth Rogen
Produced By: Judd Apatow, Evan Goldberg, Shauna Robertson, Seth Rogen, Apatow Productions
Running Time: 113 minutes
Running Time (Unrated Cut): 118 minutes
Distributed By: Columbia Pictures
Starring: Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, Chris Mintz-Plasse, Bill Hader, Seth Rogen
Rating: R.

* Trailers for 2008's Forgetting Sarah Marshall would have you believe that it belongs to this series of films, but its claim that "From the same guys who brought you The 40-Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up" is misleading; this movie may have Jonah Hill (a little of him), Paul Rudd, and Bill Hader in the cast, but it does not have the writers and/or directors of the previous films (Judd Apatow, Seth Rogen, and Steve Korell). Apatow does get producer credit, though.

Sources:, Wikipedia

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