Listen properly to your priest and let him fill you with guilt for all the sins you have committed: your spiritual leader is always right and never sins (I Don't Need to Have Children, I Date Them).

The beatings I give you are for your own good. Job was pious and loyal, and he lost his children and everything he owned.  See how good you've got it?

Don't you dare masturbate. Do it once, you'll go blind: do it twice, to Hell with you. No sex until you're married. Don't you dare so much as hug other boys, you'll get Aids (AIDS Kills Fags Dead).

You're mother doesn't need to sin for me to hit her. Besides, it's good for a woman to know her place. Eve, a woman, was the first sinner, and it's her fault Adam sinned. And now, thanks to that original bitch, I've got you goddamned brats to deal with.

You deserved that slap. I can blaspheme any time I please. I'm right and you're wrong.

I give up. I wash my hands of you. You're moronic, grotesque, and sinful. As soon as you're eighteen, I'm going to disown the two of you. You're both going to Hell, I've known it since the day you were born.