Suddenly it comes to me; this is not something I have to invent;
it's easier than that. There are plenty of this sort of
person running around who have already realized what it is.

Was having these thoughts. About the cycle
of not thinking about it much at all and then gradually
building up to a NEED to sleep with my back pressed against
someone. Some days it can be a quilt, reassuring presence, wrap
me up, but when I need it to be a boy, that's it, my brain,
my wiring, unmoveable, stubborn, unsatisfied
and a restless sleep. Lately I am thinking it need not
be a boy, which is unusual for me, but I can't get away from
an inevitable touching of her face. Something is driving me
to it and I expect her presence to be a new glory for me, sudden,
and I will recognize her when she gets here.

Alternately, a woman I know smiles at me, and I stand still and think about it.

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