I refused to go to work, I just had a bad feeling. It was the twelve year anniversary of my father's death and I was not liking the day already. Mom was acting weird and I knew she was suffering. there was nothing I could do to help. I forced her to go to the hospital, then I simply dropped her off. How could I?

She had been pretty sick and I had been expecting it for years. After losing dad the same way, it broke my heart for good when I saw her there in that hospital bed with tubes down her throat. Her green eyes so dull hardly even green anymore. So pale and unable to speak she just squeezed my hand. I was all she wanted. I softly asked her if she was ready? She shook her head yes. I promised her over and over that I would take care of her dog and the baby that I was still carying, My first child and her only grandchild due in just 3 short months. I wish they could have met. I tried to assure her here was nothing to worry about. I told her I loved her and forgave her. I want to do everything she didn't but intended to.

The day my mother died was on the same day my father died. Probably the most ironic thing I will ever witness. With only an hour left in the day I gave the okay to take her off of life support. The irony of it all is the only thing in this world that helped me cope. I left the hospital on a walk I did not want to see her seize up, leaving me here alone forever. I circled the block knowing that when I returned she would be dead. There was nothing anyone could do to save her and I honestly don't think she wanted saving. There was nothing here for her anymore she was very tired and lonely so I let her go.

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