Late one night in April of 1999 on the IRC channels #drwhochat and #pmeb, things got pretty weird. Mentions were made of the TARDIS's Dungeon of Ecstasy, among other things, and several of us ladies (and a sole present gentleman) got accused of always going for the smut.

Naturally, Ana C. and I started thinking of the B-52's song "Love Shack" as "Smut Shack." Ana mentioned that it should be an easy song to filk as one wouldn't really need to change half of it, so I decided I could try.

Here's the (sick, sad) result. It's a little more graphic than the original song, but it's got no truly naughty words in it.

Smut Shack, new lyrics by UnivacGrl

If you see a faded sign by the side of the road that says
15 years to the... Smut Shack! Smut Shack yeah
I'm headin' down the Time Vortex highway,
Lookin' for the smutty getaway
Heading for the smutty getaway, smutty getaway,

I got me a TARDIS, its inside's big as a whale
And we're headin' on down
To the Smut Shack
I got me a Type 40, it seats about 20
So hurry up and bring your condom money

The Smut Shack is a little old place where
We can get together
Smut Shack baby, Smut Shack bay-bee.
Smut baby, that's where it's at, Ooo smut baby,
That's where it's at

Sign says.. Woo... stay away fools, 'cause smut rules
At the Smut Shack!
Well it's set way back in the middle of a field,
Just a funky old shack and I gotta get back

Slime on the mattress
Spunk on the roundels
Fluids on the console
Manacles in the hallways

The Smut Shack is a little old place where
We can get together
Smut Shack baby! Smut Shack, that's where it's at!
Kissin' and a neckin', grindin' and a bumpin',
Wearin' next to nothing
Cause it's steamy as an oven
The whole shack shimmies! The whole shack
Shimmies when everybody's
Wigglin' around and around and around!
Everybody's squirmin', everybody's wormin' baby!
Folks linin' up outside just to get some
Everybody's squirmin', everybody's wormin' baby
Funky little shack! Funky little shack!

Hop in my TARDIS, its inside's big as a whale
And it's about to set sail!
I got me a Type 40, it seats about 20
So hurry up and bring your condom money.

Hump hump hump on the door baby!
Knock a little louder baby!
Hump hump hump on the door baby!
I can't hear you
Your what?... Diaphragm, busted!

Smut Shack, baby Smut Shack!
Smut baby, that's where it's at
Kissin' and a neckin',
Grindin' and a bumpin' at the Smut Shack

Original music and lyrics are copyrighted to the B-52's. Doctor Who and the Tardis and everything related to them are being held prisoner, um, I mean are copyrighted by the BBC. I only borrowed them for a while and will wash them before giving them back. Please, be gentle.

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