We all know these people, you may even be one of these people. Whenever you lie, you get caught. Sloppy liars tend to end up telling the truth a lot. They also tend to come up with slogans like honesty is not the best policy, it is the only policy, these blokes are more trouble then they are worth. Lying is a powerful and usefull skill.

WARNING!: LordOmar is NOT a sloppy liar.

As a matter of fact all of my lies are premeditated, researched and caught in my mind like a dolphin in a tuna net. I don't lie often, that helps too, but when I do it's with planning and foresight that the Tennessee Valley Authority would be jealous of.

Here is what I do, and a type of guide to good lying
Make up a whole story: I think it comes from being an actor and always doing my homework on the characters I was going to play. There was an exercise where we would play scenes from the character's past, and we'd basically have to fill in blanks of things that weren't in the play. This has given practice in coming up with well thought out lies that lack credibility gaps.

Memorize, Memorize, Memorize: I always make sure that I have a lie fully rehersed and all of the details memorized, although not to well, people do forget or overlook things, but you should know exactly what it is that you don't remember, it should never be a major detail. Write down a description of a random event in your life, see how much you forget and how much you remember, that's your target detail level (this is different for each individual).

Make sure there is no physical proof: don't lie about things that can be disproved by physical evidence, that's just stupid and a sure way to get yourself caught (and in double trouble, one for lying and once for whatever it was you're lying about)

Research research research: Come on, don't go around saying your a Marine biologist if you don't know anything about marine biology, always assume that you're going to bump into someone who knows something about the thing you are lying about. Also, pick your targets well.

I hope these few pointers will help you become a better liar. Lying is a powerful and useful skill.

This node is satire please direct your hate mail to /dev/null.

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