Several years ago, some yahoo came up with the idea of putting a motion sensor inside a doll or statue of some sort, and connecting the sensor to some sort of recorded message, usually in some form of song that had something to do with the current holiday.
Blam-O: some poor unsuspecting sot walks by, and is suddenly hit with a barrage of low-quality singing in the form of Jingle Bells or some other Christmas carol.

I've seen Halloween ones that erupt with much wailing and gnashing of teeth, supposedly to frighten young impressionable children as they come seeking candy. I've seen beer cans that dance, frogs that ribit, and now - in the grand spirit of capitalism - someone has made a singing trophy fish called Big Mouth Billy Bass.

The worst part is, they have been marketed in mass quantities.


They cost at lest $20, so that's a mighty expensive gag gift. What would you do with them? Keep them in your home? They're not a child's toy, unless dead fish mounted on plaques have suddenly become popular. Put them in your place of business? Not unless you wanted to drive all your customers away.

However, I believe I have imagined a particular motion-sensing singing statue that will sweep the market; an item that no good Christian family will want to be without:

The New Singing Crucified Jesus!

That's right, now YOU can own your own Singing Crucified Jesus! Each time you walk past Our Lord and Savior, he belts out a cheery Jesus Loves You, or Take Me As I Am hymn, reminding you and your guests that Jesus Saves! Excellent for Sunday School classrooms, great gifts for your heathen in-laws, and an indispensable item for your child's room, helping him or her to keep from straying from the path of the Lord!
Order yours now while supplies last!

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