This is a story I just have to relate to you all here; I found it far to funny to keep to myself; told to me by a guy called Stuart...

He was in Staines doing his Christmas shopping, and hating it. Walking along head down, he catches his foot in the pavement and sprawls headlong..."Fuck" he says, and watches the passers-by for a second or two..
When "Arrrgh!" he catches a glimpse of large hairy shape coming for him! It sinks it's teeth into his shoulder, near his neck, and with a "Yaarrwwllfucker!", Stuart grabs it by the head, rolls, and with a judo like throw hurls it from him. He hears it cry with pain; well actually kind of a 'screaming neigh'....it's a fucking Shetland pony...

He's flat on his back in Staines, and he's been attacked by some women's pet Shetland pony, which he's thrown across a crowded pavement in full view of hundreds of onlookers. The owner then starts to go at him with her umbrella screaming full volume like a dervish, 'cos he's actually really hurt the poor animal...

All-in Shetland pony wrestling in Staines, does that send the bizarre-o-tron clean off the scale, or what?

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