Or, Music to Make Love To Your Old Lady By

Making your own music playlist to have sex to can be a delicate process. Ideally, you’ll want music that will set the mood and help create a pleasant atmosphere for you and your partner’s horizontal mambo session. At its worst, a sex playlist will give you something interesting to listen to while your partner finishes up, at which point you can roll over and go to sleep. Creating your own sex playlist can be a daunting task, however— if the playlist you choose is too outrageous or goofy, you might just end up ruining your attempt at seduction, leaving you with naught but blue balls and an unsatisfied partner. So without further ado, here are a few guidelines to making a titillating sex playlist. Keep in mind though, as with any sex-related node, your mileage may vary— follow whatever advice suits you and your partner, and make up the rest on your own.

  • Nothing too distracting: The focus of the evening should, after all, be your partner, not the musician. It’s best to avoid songs that are too catchy, loaded with cryptic lyrics, or otherwise capable of occupying its listener’s attention. In short, avoid extremes. Thrusting in time with the beats of Outkast’s “B.O.B.” might seem like a good challenge to any intrepid sex fiend, but the song itself might be a little too intense for a good sex playlist.
  • Bass is your friend: It’s hard to explain, but there’s just something primal, carnal, and downright sexy about good basslines in music. Those low frequency rhythms can really help get libidos going, so try and load up your list with bands with sick bassists.
  • Pick out music with good vocalists: Croony, sultry female vocals or deep rumbling baritones are good vocal choices to romp to.
  • Pay attention to lyrics: Like inappropriate music played at weddings, some songs can sound deceptively romantic, but have lyrical content that is entirely inappropriate during a good old fashioned fucking. I’m a big fan of Madonna’s “Papa Don’t Preach”, but I definitely wouldn’t play a song about knocking a girl up when I’m in the middle of doing something that might make it a reality. Similarly, The Cars’ “My Best Friend’s Girl” is just asking for trouble.
  • Be careful with humor: You might think it’d be hilarious to sneak in Tenacious D’s “Fuck Her Gently” at some point during the session, but will your partner feel the same way? On the other hand, sex is supposed to be fun, and some degree of humor in the music might help enhance the experience. Depending on how twisted the two of you are, for example, Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” is a good choice. Use your best judgment.
  • Try to avoid contemporary pop: Contemporary pop is almost always overplayed and incredibly catchy. Do you really want to have sex to a Top 40 hit single that you heard a couple dozen times earlier in the day? Exceptions could be made for songs that are overtly sexual. Usher’s “Love In This Club” is a good example; it’d be a nice song to screw to if it wasn’t so damn popular and I didn’t have to hear it every time I go out to the bars.
  • Pay attention to length: Get your mind out of the gutter. I mean the length of the playlist. Shoot for something about three or four hours in length. More, if you think the two of you can last longer (or less if you can’t, in which case you might want to check out here, here, and here).
  • Know your partner: Last but not least, you (should) know your partner better than anyone else, so you should be in touch with their tastes and inclinations. Put in music that’s good for the both of you— the music is supposed to enhance the intimacy and the experience, so use music that the both of you would enjoy.

If you’re not exactly musically inclined and are just looking for a sex playlist to use, for the sake of posterity I will offer part of mine. Judge me however you see fit.

  • Air: Moon Safari is the perfect album to fuck to. Seriously. Like the French didn’t already have enough to enhance their sex appeal; Moon Safari simply beats the dead horse with a stick. “All I Need”, “Talisman”, “Voyage de Penelope”, and “Playground Love” are tracks that really stand out, but almost anything on the Air discography will do.
  • Annie: Annie Strand’s “Greatest Hit” and “Heartbeat” are short, sweet, and fun. Hopefully only the latter two adjectives will apply to your lovemaking session.
  • Beck: “Everybody’s Got to Learn Sometime” is a good cover of an old Korgi’s hit.
  • Broken Social Scene: “Looks Just Like the Sun”, “Stars and Sons”
  • Cibo Matto: “Sugar Water”
  • Cranberries: “Linger”. I am prone to sappiness sometimes.
  • Daft Punk: “Something About Us”, “Digital Love”
  • DJ Shadow: “Midnight in a Perfect World”. DJ Shadow is still amazing after all these years, and the piano on this track is killer.
  • Flight of the Conchords: “Business Time”. It’s a good song to start your list off with, if you have a sense of humor and don’t take sex too seriously.
  • Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons: “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You”
  • Marvin Gaye: Most wouldn’t hesitate to put some Marvin Gaye in their list, but I think it’s a little tacky to have “Let’s Get it On” play while you’re getting it on. Just personal preference.
  • Hall and Oates: “Kiss is On My List”, “Sara Smile”. Obviously, avoid “Sara Smile” if there’s anyone named Sara in your life that might be a point of contention between you and your partner.
  • Handsome Boy Modeling School: “The Truth”, "I've Been Thinking"
  • Jimi Hendrix: “Foxy Lady”, “Little Wing”
  • Led Zeppelin: “Since I’ve Been Loving You”
  • Massive Attack: “Teardrop”, “Black Milk”, “Protection”
  • MSTRKRFT: “Sexy Results”
  • My Bloody Valentine: “Sometime”, “Cigarette in Your Bed”
  • Portishead: “Roads”, “Glory Box”
  • Ratatat: “Breaking Away”. Augustine recommends "Wildcat" as well, because of the notable sound clip of a prowling cougar. Can't believe I forgot it.
  • Red Hot Chili Peppers: “Breaking the Girl”
  • Elliott Smith: “Angeles”, “First Timer”
  • Bruce Springsteen: “I’m on Fire”
  • The Temptations: “Stand By Me”, “Just My Imagination”
  • Timbaland: “Way I Are”. This might violate the “avoid contemporary” rule, but I like the song for the message it sends; that you shouldn’t be overly concerned with your partner’s inadequacies, since it’s the attraction that matters the most. And isn’t settling for the bottom of the barrel and not having expectations what sex is all about anyway?
  • TV on the Radio: “Staring at the Sun”
  • Barry White: See Marvin Gaye

Go forth, and make love!

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