If there is one thing I know anything about, it's pot. I live for pot; it's the reason I get up in the morning, and it's the reason I don't blow my brains out every night. Over the course of the last few years, I have come in contact with literally thousands of different strains and varieties. There are different colors, different sizes, different smells and even different shapes of marijuana, and I love them all. This being said, I wasn't always a connoisseur of cannabis; there was a time when I couldn't tell you the difference between weed and oregano. Thinking back to those days, I would have saved a lot of money and time had I known what to look for in quality marijuana. Thus, I've decided to pass on my years of experience and research to less hardcore smokers in the form of this write-up, so they too might benefit from all the weed I've smoked.

I'd like to start off by saying not everyone is going to have the opportunity to smoke really fine herb. This is because it simply isn't available in certain locations. In rural areas like West Virginia and Nebraska you'll find mostly shitty weed. Generally, you need to go to a big city to get good buds, but even if you are in a big city there's still no guarantee you'll be able to get the real fuego. The fact of the matter is marijuana is still illegal in the United States (except for California and a handful of other medical marijuana states), so it's all about the people you know. As a basic rule, the best buds come out of California, Florida and Texas, so the closer you are to these three states the better off you will be in terms of pot quality.

Before I get into the details, I'd like to define "quality marijuana" as marijuana that has a high THC content and smokes well. There are several contributing factors that affect the quality of any given sample of marijuana. Good buds come from healthy plants. Healthy plants are grown properly. Thus the quality of said sample of marijuana is largely determined by the skill level of whoever is growing it. Sure, some strains are better than others and some seeds of a certain strain are better than other seeds of the same strain, but the bulk of the responsibility for the fireness of a certain sample of bud rests with the grower. Marijuana is quite a resilient plant, and can survive some pretty harsh conditions, but to grow really fire buds marijuana plants need lots of light, water, carbon dioxide and a host of other trace minerals including Nitrogen, Potassium, Phosphorus and many others. Because this write-up isn't about growing pot, I won't get into how to grow great pot, but it's a bit more complicated than throwing some seeds in the ground and watering them.

There are two different kinds of marijuana plants: Indica and Sativa. Most strains today are some kind of hybrid of the two. Indica buds give you more of a body high while Sativa buds give you a cognitive, head high. Indica will numb your pain while allowing you to function pretty much normally, while good Sativa will take you to another planet mentally. Sativa favored hybrids are generally the most common type of quality bud available today, but as I mentioned above, any seed can produce quality bud if grown properly. Regs and Mid-grade buds are usually Indica strains grown by amateurs or grown outdoors.

Basically, the quality of any bud can be determined by how it looks, how it smells, and how it feels.

The Look

Good buds clearly look like good buds. Marijuana buds shouldn't look dried up and "dirty", they should instead look bright and almost shiny. Buds that are covered in tiny crystals (called Trichomes) are pretty much guaranteed to be pretty decent buds, because trichomes only grow on the healthiest plants. Just because your bud isn't covered in crystals doesn't mean it's not good though; growers that use High Pressure Sodium lights rarely ever get trichomes, yet High Pressure Sodium lights can produce some truly amazing cannabis. Another thing to look for when investigating the quality of a sample of pot is the color. Light greens are good, darker forest greens are generally not good. There are exceptions, but this is the commonly accepted rule of thumb. Also, make sure your bud isn't covered in leaves, because leaves don't get you high. A lot of growers don't trim their plants right and leave them covered in leaves so as to add weight and make more money. If you get a bag with really leafy buds, beware. The presence of hairs can also indicate the quality of your bud. Brown or orange hairs on the outside of your buds are generally good hairs and indicate very high quality marijuana. However, if you break open a bud and see a lot of small white hairs that look underdeveloped, you're dealing with immature buds. This is another grower trick. Some growers will harvest their plants before the buds have fully matured so the buds are fluffier and heavier (because of all the hairs which are essentially undeveloped bud). High quality marijuana comes in really dense buds, while the fluffier stuff is usually less potent (although it might look a little prettier). So to sum up, when looking at good bud you should expect to see light colored, densely packed buds perhaps covered in crystals, with orange or brown hairs on the outside with practically no leaf left untrimmed.

The Smell

The smell, or dankness of a sample of pot is generally a dead giveaway of how good it is. Good bud will REEK! Marijuana can smell like a host of things - anything from skunks and bird shit to blueberries and candy. Lower quality weed will sometimes smell like a freshly mowed lawn, or a leafy bush. This is because bad weed is usually not dried out properly and is still covered in chlorophyll, which gives it that "grassy" smell. Good weed will stink up everything you put it near. If you ever get a hold of some really fire shit, you'll know the second you enter a confined space. If you're smelling a tiny bag in your pocket on your drive home, get excited because you're bud is probably pretty decent. The stronger the smell, the better the bud.

The Feel

If your bud looks good and smells good, it's probably good. If you're still not sure, take a little nug and squeeze it between your index finger and thumb. Like I said above, dense buds are good buds, so it should be solid like a rock. If the nug compresses when you squeeze it, break it up. Check the inside for underdeveloped hairs or trichomes. As long as there are no undeveloped hairs, fluffy bud can still be good at times, so just because your nug isn't as hard as it could be doesn't mean you should pass on it. Take a closer look, smell it and make an informed decision. Avoid handling bud as much as you can, because if there are trichomes you don't want to rub them off. Quality bud is really sticky. If your bud is a pain in the ass to break up by hand for a blunt, it's probably good. Dry, hard buds are never good, so don't waste your money.

So that's it: if your bud looks good, smells good and feels nice and sticky you've probably got yourself a pretty good crop. There's a couple of other things to keep in mind when determining the quality of bud. First, check for seeds and big stems. Stems can be heavy, and if there's a lot of big stems in your bag you're probably getting shorted out of a bit of bud. Seeds are awful to smoke and give you headaches. The presence of lots of seeds is a surefire sign of bad weed grown by an idiot farmer. However, even the good shit is bound to have one or two seeds if you buy in large amounts. Secondly, never believe your drug dealer. I've seen people do some really crazy things to plants to make them produce purple buds or white buds, and most of that stuff is bullshit. If you're dealer tells you you're getting any kind of haze, check for trichomes. Any kind of haze (silver, purple, etc) will be COVERED in huge trichomes, and if it isn't don't bother buying it because you're getting scammed. Some people put food coloring in the water they feed the plants to make them turn purple, so don't be fooled by a shitty purple bud. A good rule to follow when dealing with drug dealers is "NEVER believe a drug dealer". It's simple, but efficient. Always make your own decisions regarding the quality of any bud. Avoid the bullshit.

Enjoy.

Marijuana comes in two distinct forms: Schwag and Nugs. Schwag is the lowest of the low. Schwag is produced in Mexico and then smuggled into the United States. It's estimated 30 million pounds makes this trek annually. It comes as compacted bricks of weed with stems and seeds compressed inside. Sometimes all kinds of special goodies. People have found metal pieces, other types of plants, insects and some unimaginable things inside their weed to make it weigh more and because it's grown outside. Good schwag is dense rock hard, light green bricks, and sticky on the inside when broken up. The seeds are big, fully formed and are black or brown. Finding a bag with out seeds is impossible. Also finding shitty schwag is way too easy, good luck on finding any good shit. Cleaning the weed of seeds and stems is a bitch for the weak high that is mostly always limited to the head. And in the US the punishment is the same as the higher quality nug making the only benefit of this shit is the dirt cheap price.

This brings me to the nuggets, the trimmed flowers cured and sold for a hefty fee. This type of reefer is usually referred to as "the Dank" because when it's fresh it can be very odorous. Although these high quality buds go by a variety of monikers on the street the different strains go by their own brand name. Currently there are over 250 brand names and at least 300 unbranded strains on the market. These plants are designed to produce high-yield, high-potency marijuana, and can be known as Sinsemilla because the male plants are removed before pollination so the crop will barely ever contain seeds. It would be a sin to compress this shit for easy smuggling. If a smuggler was to compress a crop of some dank the price would drop dramatically, and it would be considered mid-grade, what is known as "pretendies". For this reason the majority of the United States nugs are grown in California, Kentucky, Canada and locally in a growers home, or in a house dedicated for this function specifically called surprisingly enough a "grow-house". But by far the biggest producer in the US with an estimated 50% of the market provided by California.

These brand name nugs come in a couple different varieties. The most popular are; Indica, a short dense plant with broad dark green leaves originating in the hashish producing countries Afghanistan, Morocco and Tibet. The flowers or buds are thick and dense providing a laid back, relaxed body high that makes a person want to sit around all day. And Sativa tends to be on the tall, thin side with a narrow lighter yellow-green leaves. They also take longer to mature while producing smaller less compact buds with an energetic mind buzz that stimulates the brain into making more Alpha waves. These plants were originally indigenous to Africa, southeast Asia, and central America. There is a very distinct and noticeable difference between the two, a farmer familiar only with Indica would think something is wrong if presented with a Sativa plant although it's perfectly healthy.

Now days, new-age farmers are genetically engineering hybrids for funky, crazy new highs with super dense buds and flavors that only a real pothead would enjoy. Hybrids are quickly taking over and becoming their own species, when Indica and Sativa are combined all one can do is sink into the sofa and watch psychic premonitions unfold while ignoring the Tv completely. These hybrids are so good selling the Tv like a crackhead would not be out of the question when it comes time to buy some more.

Drying marijuana draws the sap and water out of the stem bringing it into the flower. Drying and curing are very important steps in producing quality marijuana and give it the proper flavor. Drying prevents bud rot and curing is essential to the final steps to ensure the most amount of flavor and an even burn. When it's dried too quickly it will smell like fresh cut grass because of all the chlorophyll still inside the plant hasn't yet dispersed. Over dried bud will loose crystal glands because they dry and brake off, and the bud will crumble easy. This creates a fast smoking, harsh hitting bowl. While under dried bud will also lose crystals, but in this case they stick to everything they touch. The bud will also be hard to burn. The extra water means the risk of mold and less dank for the dough. Not everyone agrees on how dry bud should be though. The common consensus is the bud should be dried about 85% of the way. The stem will snap easily but not completely in half leaving the some of the fibers intact. The bud should still have a slight odor but it will not be overwhelming.

There are three types of Trichomes or tiny crystal glands found on a flowering marijuana plant; the most numerous, largest and most hairy looking are the capitate-stalked measuring 150 to 500 micrometers, then the globular-shaped and second most prevalent capitate-sessile measures in at only 25 to 100 micrometers, and the smallest yet glistening bulbous is only 15 to 30 micrometers. Trichomes don't necessarily come from only healthy plants, they can appear on the smallest and weakest of plants. These Trichomes coat the plant as a form of a psychedelic protection from the variety of potential enemies. Coming from the Greek language, trichome means 'growth of hair', and it's an awesome defense mechanism that makes the flower less palatable for animals and a sticky obstacle to over-come for insects. The goopy gunk also serves as a barrier against the elements, acting as a sunscreen and wind block. This tiny fuzz is prized by hash makers because this is only place where THC and the other feel good chemicals are produced. When an organelle called vacuole containing phenol combines inside the Trichome's head with another organelle called a plastid- containing a hydrocarbon called Terpene, this mixture then if struck by UV-B light waves form cannabinoids.

The smell and taste will differ with each strain. Indicas are more known for their skunk smell while Sativas are generally more earthy and taste like a pine tree. And both are known to have a sweeter and fruity smell with citrus over tones. But with the advent of hybrids these guiding lines will be pushed to the point it becomes blurred. Soon that next sack of bud might come in any flavor imaginable because of the crazy, unrefined will of the Human race. And against popular belief smell is not the best indication of strength. The most reliable way would be to inspect the amount of trichome heads still attached to the bud.

The look and feel of good bud by now should be obvious. Remember, poor quality seeds produce poor quality plants and a healthy plant will produce a healthy bud. Give the plant the proper amounts of water, nutrition and light, the result will be monster bud and increased crop sizes. This is a good thing. To grow the bombest of the bomb, the Metal Halide lights emit light closer to the blue spectrum and are used by professionals more during the vegetation stage, while the High Pressure Sodium emits light from the red spectrum and is better for flowering. And a couple little known growing tips, the combination of both during flowering will create some killer Trichome covered buds, and also change the bulbs every year because although the filament has not burned out the light becomes less intense over time. But big bud size doesn't necessarily mean increased potency but it does mean it can have larger amounts THC content. To make insane amounts of THC the plant needs to be big and healthy, for one, but also drenched in adequate amounts of UV-B light waves. Smaller plants will not produce the amount of cannabinoids as a larger plant but the potency will go unchanged. This usually means the high will feel the same, but will not last as long because the smaller amount of THC will be metabolized by the body faster. And again, the Indica and Sativa plant produce two types of bud. Indica tends to be a super dense, tightly bound and firm. Sativa is lightly compacted, more loosely bound material and spongy.

Colors range from a lime to dark green with pink and deep purples, but doesn't have anything to do with getting you high. This goes for the hairs too. While on the subject, not all strains will have hair and some strains are more hairy than others. The difference of colors and hair all depend namely on the seed or mother plant from which the clone came.

Bad bud is really easy to spot. It will be dull and dirty looking, all shriveled up, and there will be no Trichomes, no Colors and no smell.

Resources:

Jeff Ditchfield, "Cannabis Cultivator" Collins and Brown 2009 pg.6

Cannabis Culture issue 74, Bubbleman, Jeremiah Vandermeer, "Inside the Trichome" pg.52

& The DEA's Global War on Cannabis, Phil Smith pg. 78

http://www.indoormarijuanaseeds.com/indica-vs-sativa-cannabis-seeds-indoor.html