Punk Rock Baby is a range of cds covering alternative classics in a lullaby style, for your little punks, ravers, headbangers-whatever rocks their cradle. We also have a range of baby t-shirts to match their impeccable musical taste.
-Company website1

The first in a truly disturbing series of CDs. Billed as a collection of "lullaby versions of punk classics," this compilation includes a loungey, xylophoned-up version of The Buzzcocks' "Ever Fallen in Love (With Someone You Shouldnt've)" and a cover of "Pretty Vacant" that sounds like the soundtrack to an encounter with the ultimate scary clown. Other songs covered include The Clash's "White Riot," The Ramones' "Sheena is a Punk Rocker," and Blondie's "Sunday Girl," none of which I could bring myself to listen to.

As if this weren't bad enough already, "Punk Rock Baby" was (apparently) so successful that the company decided to continue the series. Subsequent releases, to date, include:

Dance Baby
Includes "Music Sounds Better With You," "Back to Life," "Unfinished Sympathy" (I refuse to believe that Massive Attack knows about this), and Blue Monday. To make things worse, all of the tracks sound as if they were played on one of those "300+ sound effects!" synthesisers. I felt dirty after listening to this.

Rock Baby
Mmm....Soundgarden and Black Sabbath in an ambient stylee. Includes a version of "Smells Like Teen Spirit" that sounds like John Tesh covering King Tubby.

80s Baby
"Take on Me," "Come On Eileen," "Relax"...this is probably the installment of the series which offended me least. Let's be honest, none of these songs are really examples of musical greatness2, in my opinion at least.

And things are only going to get worse. According to the company's website. Future releases will include "Hip Hop Baby," "Soul Baby," and "Chill Out Baby3." I, for one, cannot wait to hear "Goth Baby" and "Gabber Baby."

The truly amazing thing about these CDs is that they're apparently completely free of irony or any sense of parody. I mean, Richard Cheese is at least mildly amusing, but this takes the "let's do bizarre cover versions of beloved songs" concept to a more-than-surreal level. I would love to meet the people who actually play this music to their kids4.

1www.punkrockbaby.com
2The CD is still pretty bad.
3Aren't these CDs all "chill-out?"
4I'd also be worried about the mental and musical development of said kids.

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