This was a paper I wrote for my Economics class just before school was out. I wasn't really in the mood to write anything, so most of it is a bunch of hot air. Anyways, I'll include the original text plus a second copy with the comments the teacher made.
Keep in mind that this paper is FOR Protectionism and AGAINST Free Trade. So without further ado...

BEGIN

Protectionism is the way our economy should be run. It is the way we have done things for years. It is based on the morals this nation was founded on. I thought America was supposed to be an independent nation. Did we start a Revolution years ago just to come back and start becoming dependant on the nations we sought refuge from? We must stick to the way of our fore fathers.

If we are Americans, shouldn't we be buying and consuming the goods we produce. Wasn't it George Washington that said no good can come from making allies. Being our first and greatest president, don't you think he's right?

Free Trade economists don't care about tradition. They do not care about manufacturers that make the way they are currently living possible. They do not care about the individual. All they care about is money. They are about Big Business. They would rather be driving the most expensive cars, living in the most expensive meals INSTEAD of living with the standards American was built on in the beginning. They don't care about their neighbor who could mow their yard every sunday but is being thrown out of business because they would rather have foreign made products instead of the American made products his neighbor makes.

Abraham Lincoln said "If you buy from them we get the goods and they get the money, but if you buy from us, we get the goods AND the money! Which do you think is better?"

Don't force your Free Trade philosiphy on me.

END
Can't you tell I just gave up right at the end their and decided to make a really smart ass remark :).

And now the graded version:

Underlined and bold represent where the teacher underlined a sentence with red pen. He does this a lot in pretty pointless places. He once underlined every single noun on my friends paper. Even parts of a sentence that was already on the worksheet and part of the question. His entire paper was glowing with red pen marks. He circles a lot too. That will be represented by bold areas. I'll represent comments he made with (parenthesis).

BEGIN

Protectionism is the way our economy should be run. It is the way we have done things for years. It is based on the morals this nation was founded on. I thought America was supposed to be an independent nation. (Such as?) Did we start a Revolution (Ok -- good idea!) years ago just to come back and start becoming dependant on the nations we sought refuge from? We must stick to the way of our fore fathers.

If we are Americans, shouldn't we be buying and consuming the goods we produce. Wasn't it George Washington that said no good can come from making allies. (Wow? A very patriotic argument!) Being our first and greatest president, don't you think he's right?

Free Trade economists don't care about tradition. (good point) They do not care about manufacturers that make the way they are currently living possible. They do not care about the individual. All they care about is money. They are about Big Business. (your example is stretching it...)They would rather be driving the most expensive cars, living in the most expensive meals INSTEAD of living with the standards American was built on in the beginning. They don't care about their neighbor who could mow their yard every sunday but is being thrown out of business because they would rather have foreign made products instead of the American made products his neighbor makes.

Abraham Lincoln said "If you buy from them we get the goods and they get the money, but if you buy from us, we get the goods AND the money! Which do you think is better?" (good point)

Don't force your Free Trade philosiphy on me.

END

(A good start, Ryan, but there is so much more to say for your position. Use the material given!)

Grade == (28/40)

Go figure...

Something I just noticed on May 31st...

I've got -3 on this writeup while Lometa got a C! plus a 7 rep (including my vote)...and freeborn has a 2 rep on his follow up...I'M SO GLAD I CAN BE THERE TO GIVE MY FELLOW NODERS A BOOST TOWARDS THEIR NEXT LEVEL...

you people have no morals

=Toggle Sarcasm Off=

Okay I'll try my best to explain what the teacher meant by his evauation and comments. It appears that he has underlined the words he wants defined and circled ideas he would like to see supported with facts from the lesson.

The objective of any school assignmnet is to communicate back understanding of the content to the instructor. Opinion is for interest, but understanding and application is what determines the grade.

'Protectionism' ~ He wants your definition of what protectionism is.

'economy should be run' and 'have done things ' ~ Define economy. Stay away from should's, should have's, ought's and ought have's,

'thought America' and 'supposed to be an independent nation'(Such as?) ~ Make them declarative statements of opinion (see DMan Productions ™ nodes for excellent examples of declaratives)

'Revolution' (Ok -- good idea!)' ~ Positive reinforcement for what he wants in the paper. A use of his lesson content to support your statement "years ago just to come back and start becoming dependant..."

'the nations' and' sought refuge from?' ~ Name the nations and tell why Americans were seeking refuge.

'Americans, shouldn't,' ~ Tell which Americans and change to a declarative

' be buying and consuming,' 'produce,' ~ give examples of comsumerism, list some examples of the goods produced.

'George Washington' ~define who he is with an example of what he did in hisory,
ie: George Washington, leader of the American Army in one of the few revolutions that did not eventually turn on itself......

'can come from making allies',FreeTrade, and tradition.
(Wow?
~ Tell him who the allies were , define Free Trade and tradition, tell him what you learned in class.

A very patriotic argument!)' and 'Free Trade economists don't care about tradition. (good point)' ~ Positive feedback, emphasizing your points as good examples.

'They are about Big Business. (your example is stretching it...)' ~ hard to tell, seems like yours and his ideas of Big Business are different, you may want to tell what how you define Big Business. Not all Big Businesses particpate in Free Trade might be what he's getting at.

(good point) ~ He liked the use of Lincoln's quote to support the content of the paper, shows understanding and application of the objective of the paper.

(A good start, Ryan, but there is so much more to say for your position. Use the material given!)

Grade == (28/40)

~ I think 'use the material given' is what he's wanting here and would like you to redo the assignment. I know it's regurgitating what you already know, but the teacher has to see evidence of what you know in order to evaluate (grade) your understandings on the content.
I hope you find this helpful and no charge for the professional tutelage;)

Benevolence alone will not make a teacher, nor will learning alone do it. The gift of teaching is a peculiar talent, and implies a need and a craving in the teacher himself.
-John Jay Chapman

I miss teaching.....

I would first like to say that Lometa displays what I would consider incredible nodlyship in this writeup. Direct, knowledgeful, helpful, it is a superb followup to burnboy's post.

But, as long as this node is on a pedagogical kick, I would like to ask Burnboy : what exactly was the assignment? (i.e. length, audience, purpose - purpose being here "opinion", "information", "discussion", etc.) were there any other requirements? I think trying to figure out such teacherly comments needs such background

As for protectionism and free trade in the US, it's true enough that free trade is still the major force of the economy, but in comparison to the free-free trade which occured at the height of America's power -- I would have to argue that America's individual importance is on the downslide if for no other reason than other countries are becoming much more advanced, competetive, and powerful themselves --, the giant is once again sinking (albeit slowly) into the protectionist pit from which it came.

Yo.

umm...just noticed that that ending there seems to take a negative stance on protectionism. that's not really what i was going for, i just liked the metaphor. as for this writeup, i'm stance-neutral.