Warning: depressing, misanthropic ending to this one. If you hate princesses, you might like it, otherwise...

Once upon a time, in Outer Everystan, where sand storms blow accross the parched desert, and the whooping cactuses scare the bejeezus out of travelling merchants...

...there lived a beautiful prince named Khalil, who took for his wife a correspondingly beautiful princess named Isca, and they came to live together in a stately palace. The place was a wonderland. It had everything. A view over the majestic Everystan Inland Ocean. A jacuzzi. A state of the art enchanted kitchen staffed by five-star chefs who could whip up anything from a six course dinner to variant peanut butter sandwiches in a matter of minutes. There was a stable full of beautiful horses, pink unicorns, zebras, and other interesting critters, who were all so friendly and tame they would eat cheerios out of the princess Isca's hand. There were walk-in closets full of clothes and shoes for every occasion, all of which fit perfectly, and the collection would magically change every time she walked into such a closet, except for the stuff she definitely liked, which would always be the same, in exactly the same spot, no matter which closet she walked into. There was a big fluffy four post bed with a canopy, where she and the prince could sleep, nestled in each other's arms. Around the bed, gravity was magically reduced so that nobody's arms or legs ever went numb. They also had separate bedrooms for nights when she just didn't feel like dealing with the prince. He was an enlightened prince, you see, and loved her very much, so he understood.

The princess mostly telecommuted, but the prince's work required him to travel frequently. There were very few locked doors in the palace, and for the ones that did exist, he showed her where the key box was and which key opened what. There was one single, solitary key that he asked her to please not use. "This relationship is based on openness and trust, and I'm asking you, on your honor, sweet princess, to leave that key, and the door that it opens, well enough alone. Deal?", said the prince.

"Of course, honey." said the princess.

You know what's coming, don't you? Uh huh.

The very first business trip the prince went on... his steam-copter was barely off the landing pad... the princess immediately went for that fucking key and tried to open that fucking door! That's just how human nature is. And you know what? The key was bent, so she took it down to the workshop in the cellar, put it in a vise, and hammered on it. It still wouldn't work, so she got a crow bar and tried prying the door open. It gave a little, but still wouldn't open enough for her to get in. So she channeled up dial-a-mage and had mage come in to cast fireball spells at the door.

"You sure about this, madam? It'll damage the finish, you know."

"That's okay, I need to get through that door."

"I don't know. It's kind of a fire hazard. I could lose my license."

"Here's an extra 20 platinum. Now do it!"

"Okay, but just so you know, I took the liberty of taking a quick astral peek behind that door, and there really isn't anything all that interesting behind it."

"I'll be the judge of that. Now. Do. It."

"Sigh. Okay, you asked. Remember: no refunds."

KABOOOM!!!!!! The door shattered into smithereens when the very first fireball was cast.



There was now a big charred hole in the wall where the door had been. The mage bid the princess farewell and good luck, and teleported back to her mage tower.

Her heart rattling like an enchanted hamster wheel, Isca stepped through into the forbidden room. Like that mage said, it really wasn't worth it, and what's worse she soon found out that it broke a very important spell. When Prince Khalil returned and saw what transpired, he turned into a frog, hopped away, and Isca never saw him again. Or maybe she did, but how would she know for sure, right?

She spent the rest of her life in that miserable palace full of useless trinkets, and none of it meant a thing to her anymore.

The Fucking End

Look, sorry. That's just how the story came out. I warned you, didn't I? I promise tomorrow's will be a happier one. Wierder, but happier. I already wrote it, so I know that for a fact.


Oh, and one more thing... no story of mine is ever finished. No story on Everything2 ever is. That's the point. Have something to add, remove change? A different ending? A different beginning or middle? That's what the writeup box is for.

Unfinished Stories
The Fairy Tales Metanode

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