Warning: depressing, misanthropic ending to this one. If you hate princesses, you might like it, otherwise...
Once upon a time
, in Outer Everystan, where sand storms
blow accross the parched desert
, and the whooping cactuses scare the bejeezus
out of travelling merchants
...there lived a beautiful prince
named Khalil, who took for his wife
a correspondingly beautiful princess
named Isca, and they came to live together in a stately palace
. The place was a wonderland
. It had everything
. A view over the majestic
Everystan Inland Ocean
. A jacuzzi
. A state of the art enchanted
kitchen staffed by five-star chef
s who could whip up anything from a six course dinner
to variant peanut butter sandwiches
in a matter of minutes. There was a stable
full of beautiful horse
s, pink unicorn
s, and other interesting critters
, who were all so friendly
they would eat cheerios
out of the princess Isca's hand. There were walk-in closet
s full of clothes
for every occasion, all of which fit perfect
ly, and the collection
would magically change every time she walked into such a closet, except for the stuff she definitely
liked, which would always be the same, in exactly the same spot, no matter which closet she walked into. There was a big fluffy four post bed
with a canopy
, where she and the prince could sleep, nestled in each other's arms. Around the bed, gravity
was magically reduced so that nobody's arms or legs ever went numb
. They also had separate bedrooms
for nights when she just didn't feel like dealing with the prince. He was an enlightened
prince, you see, and love
d her very much, so he understood.
The princess mostly telecommute
d, but the prince's work required him to travel
frequently. There were very few locked doors
in the palace, and for the ones that did exist, he showed her where the key box
was and which key
opened what. There was one single
key that he asked her to please
not use. "This relationship
is based on openness
, and I'm asking you, on your honor
, sweet princess, to leave that key, and the door that it opens, well enough alone. Deal
?", said the prince.
"Of course, honey
." said the princess.
You know what's coming, don't you? Uh huh.
The very first business trip
the prince went on... his steam-copter was barely off the landing pad
... the princess immediately went for that fucking key and tried to open that fucking door! That's just how human nature
is. And you know what? The key was bent, so she took it down to the workshop
in the cellar
, put it in a vise
, and hammered
on it. It still wouldn't work, so she got a crow bar
and tried prying the door open. It gave a little, but still wouldn't open enough for her to get in. So she channel
ed up dial-a-mage and had mage
come in to cast fireball spells
at the door.
"You sure about this, madam
? It'll damage the finish
, you know."
, I need to get through that door."
"I don't know. It's kind of a fire hazard
. I could lose my license
"Here's an extra 20 platinum
. Now do it!"
"Okay, but just so you know, I took the liberty
of taking a quick astral peek
behind that door, and there really isn't anything all that interesting behind it."
"I'll be the judge
of that. Now. Do. It."
"Sigh. Okay, you asked. Remember: no refunds
KABOOOM!!!!!! The door shattered into smithereens when the very first fireball was cast.
There was now a big charred hole in the wall
where the door had been. The mage bid the princess farewell
and good luck
, and teleport
ed back to her mage tower
Her heart rattling like an enchanted hamster wheel
, Isca stepped through into the forbidden
room. Like that mage said, it really wasn't worth it, and what's worse she soon found out that it broke a very important
spell. When Prince Khalil returned and saw what transpire
d, he turned into a frog
ped away, and Isca never saw him again. Or maybe she did, but how would she know for sure
She spent the rest of her life
in that miserable
palace full of useless trinkets
, and none of it meant a thing to her anymore.
The Fucking End
Look, sorry. That's just how the story came out. I warned you, didn't I? I promise tomorrow's will be a happier one. Wierder, but happier. I already wrote it, so I know that for a fact.
Oh, and one more thing... no story of mine is ever finished. No story on Everything2
ever is. That's the point. Have something to add, remove change? A different ending? A different beginning or middle? That's what the writeup box is for.