Detective: "Inspector Clay is dead! Murdered! And someone's responsible!"
Infamously poor sci-fi flick from 1958. It was written and directed by the equally infamous Ed Wood, Jr.
Criswell: "The ever-beautiful flowers she had planted with her own hands became nothing more than the lost roses of her cheeks."
The plot involves a group of aliens who, trying to stop humans from building a Solaranite Bomb capable of destroying the universe, begin to raise the dead as zombies, hoping this will make the Earthlings behave. The title refers to the fact that the aliens' previous eight plans were all dismal failures. Not like Plan 9. Oh, no, not at all.
Jeff Trent: "Modern women. They've been like that all down through the ages."
The cast included Gregory Walcott as Captain Jeff Trent, Mona McKinnon as Paula Trent, Duke Moore as Lt. John Harper, Tom Keene as Col. Tom Edwards, Carl Anthony as Patrolman Larry, Paul Marco as Patrolman Kelton, Tor Johnson as Inspector Daniel Clay, Dudley Manlove (who surely had a rough time in junior high) as Eros, Joanna Lee as Tanna, Bunny Breckinridge as the Ruler, Lyle Talbot as General Roberts, Criswell as the Narrator, Vampira as the Vampire Girl, Bela Lugosi as the Old Man, and Tom Mason in an uncredited role as Bela Lugosi.
Eros: "You see? You see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!"
As you probably know by now, this was Bela Lugosi's last movie. The horror legend died not long after filming began, and Ed Wood replaced him with his own chiropractor, Tom Mason, who was taller, thinner, and didn't really look anything like Lugosi. To cover up for that, all of Mason's scenes featured him holding his cape up over his face.
Gravedigger: "I don't like hearing noises, especially when there ain't supposed to be any."
In addition to a sub-quality plot, acting, and dialogue, the special effects in this movie are notoriously bad. The flying saucers are clearly made out of paper plates hung on strings, the gravestones in the cemetery wobble whenever anyone bumps into them, and a number of nighttime scenes are shot in bright, undisguised daylight. Tor Johnson looks pretty good as a zombie, but I'm not sure any special effects were needed for that.
Paula Trent: "I've never seen you in this mood before."
Jeff Trent: "I guess that's because I've never been in this mood before."
Yes, this movie is pretty darned inept. Wood liked making movies the way I like making love -- with overwhelming enthusiasm and joy, but with absolutely zero skill.* But despite its reputation as the worst movie ever made, "Plan 9" is actually quite watchable. The plot, despite its many weaknesses, moves along at a respectable pace, and the numerous examples of horrific dialogue, continuity lapses, and cheesy special effects actually serve to turn the movie into must-see entertainment. Unlike many bad movies, generous portions of alcohol are not necessary to get enjoyment from this. If nothing else, the film is at least tremendous fun to quote to your friends.
* Yeah, yeah, anything for a joke.
Some research from the Internet Movie Database (www.imdb.com)
Criswell: "My friend, can your heart stand the shocking truth of... GRAVE ROBBERS FROM OUTER SPACE?!"