Aaron, improbably wearing a giant bra and bloomers: "I have saved the day."
Monica: "I think I'm going to throw up."
Aaron: "Bow down, hoo-man 'friends.' I am not a @#*% robot. I am Aaron Stack, hero robot, and you can all bite my valve."

American superhero comic book, originally titled "Nextwave: Agents of H.A.T.E." It was published by Marvel Comics in 2006-2007, written by Warren Ellis, and illustrated by Stuart Immonen.

Nextwave is a team of superheroes working for H.A.T.E. (Highest Anti-Terrorism Effort) and charged with battling a number of Unusual Weapons of Mass Destruction, like Fin Fang Foom, the Mindless Ones, and the Ultra Samurai Battle Drone. But H.A.T.E. isn't really what it seems to be -- in fact, H.A.T.E. is actually funded by the Beyond Corporation, which used to be known as S.I.L.E.N.T., a large terrorist group, and the entire purpose of H.A.T.E. is to create more Unusual Weapons of Mass Destruction. Nextwave decides that this will simply not do, so they steal a big-ass fancy flying machine called the Shockwave Rider and go on the run, pursued by the frequently suicidal Dirk Anger, Director of H.A.T.E, and his hordes of minions, like the broccoli men, the attack koalas, the Homicide Crabs, and Forbush Man.

Dirk Anger: "I hate girls. Girls have soft bits. Agents of H.A.T.E. shouldn't have soft bits. They should have hard bits. Muscles and stuff. I have hard bits. I do. Lots of them."

The members of Nextwave include:

A broccoli man running away from Elsa Bloodstone before she beats him to death with an electric guitar: "NO NO NOT DOING THIS NO NO NO RUN AWAY RUN AWAY THIS IS MY SPECIAL RUN AWAY SONG SO I DO NOT GET KILLED BY SCARY GIRL."

Ladies and gentlemen, this is the most awesome comic in history. Yes, I know I've said that before and will probably say it again, but I mean it this time. This is the most awesome comic in history.

This is not just because of all the explosions. This is not just because of Dirk Anger and his mad rants. This is not just because of Dread Rorkannu, Lord of the Dank Dimension, who likes cash and the SuicideGirls. This is not just because the team beats up a cop. This is not just because of the naked ninjas or the Elvis MODOKs or "tick tick tick BOOM!" or Dr. Headless or the Wolverine monkeys or the Stephen Hawking Attack Squadron or the dancing Mindless Ones or hitting aliens with bottles to see if they'll turn into gold or Fin Fang Foom's burning desire to mate despite his total lack of genitals. This is not because of the shocking and hilarious and mind-blowingly awesome revelations of the Beyond Corporation's Big Bads.

No, wait, I'm lying. It's because of all those things. Plus other things I haven't told you about because I'm too lazy to type 'em all up.

Aaron: "I could make you pregnant."
Elsa: "Not unless you could do it from over there, clanky."
Aaron: "I am full of very useful devices."

The Young Adult Library Services Association named this comic among their list of Top Ten Great Graphic Novels for Teens in 2007. Which suggests that the Young Adult Library Services Association is infested with nasty, horrible people who drink too much. We should send them money.

Tabitha, after saving the team by actually not being clever: "The little guy did something to your heads. I gave him the explodo because I am clever."

"Nextwave" was cancelled after 12 issues. Sales were okay, but not enough for Marvel to justify paying Immonen as much as they were paying him. This also means that comic fanboys suck because they didn't buy shitloads more of this comic. And Marvel sucks because they didn't just give Immonen all the fucking money he wanted. In theory, Ellis and Immonen could someday return to the series, even if it's just a miniseries. I hope they do. My robot brain needs "Nextwave."

And it's currently available for purchase, the whole damn thing, in one big fat edition. You need to go purchase it, and if you don't, I will come to your home and urinate on your children.

Elsa, after driving a car out of the airborne Shockwave Rider: "Death Race 2000! I AM PRESIDENT FRANKENSTEIN!"

Research: Away with ye. Reading comics makes me too smart for your puny fleshy research.

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