Facts:

Smack dab between Detroit and Toledo, Monroe County is a shockingly flat piece of land in the southeast corner of Michigan.

The county is famous for being the headquarters of Monroe Shocks, La-Z-Boy's world headquarters (recently renovated), and the temporary residence of General George Custer. It is also the home of Bronco McKart, a boxer of some sort (junior middle welter featherweight 2nd class twice removed or something of that nature).

The biggest historical marker of note in the town is the Battle of the River Raisin during the War of 1812. Indians slaughtered the regiment stationed on the bank of the minor River Raisin. The massacre led to the battle cry "Remember the River Raisin!" during the war, inspiring troops nationwide.

The county is also home to the Fermi Nuclear Plant. As a result, parts of the county are practically overflowing with tax money from state and federal agencies, thanking the residents for not panicking about living next to a radioactive timebomb.

Demographically, it is overwhelmingly white, with smaller black and hispanic minorities. The county is decidedly middle-class conservative, for the most part, although there are numerous lower-class housing projects scattered throughout.

There is one main city, Monroe, which is also the county seat. Smaller communities include Maybee, Ida, Milan, Dundee, Flat Rock, Carleton, and the miniscule Grape, which includes exactly one store, a park for the handicapped, and four houses. Yet it somehow manages to appear on the map.

Now, for the personal reflections of living in Monroe County.

It is boring. Seriously. If you're a night-person, you might as well stay inside. You can eat at Denny's, have sex in the city park after-hours, smoke weed, or try to get arrested. Three of those are illegal, by the way.

A recent demographic conclusion showed that 80% of the youth in Monroe County move away after high school. Considering the substantial lack of younger-oriented activities in the county, I don't blame them.

Monroe has a Historical Society, for no reason other than to waste money on silly projects like a Riverwalk (extending 3 miles, going nowhere, right next to the highly polluted river, which is currently under a raw sewage advisory, and also right behind the dilapidated downtown buildings) or a River Fountain (which clogged up due to the river's pollution. It was later moved to an artificial lake in Munson Park.), or maybe even an illuminated River walkbridge (multi-colored neon lights on an old wooden bridge does not look right, especially considering they are the only neon lights in a 1000 foot radius.) There are random markers posted around the county, supposedly outlining important historical occurances within the county (first bar, first house, etc.), which no one pays attention to.

The police force is bored beyond belief, busting kids for skateboarding and jaywalking. The crime rate is low, thankfully, but the cops just tend to annoy anyone who isn't breaking the law (while just pissing off the ones that do).

Monroe High School is one of the biggest schools in the state. Once nominated for a Blue Ribbon award of excellence. Went down the tubes shortly thereafter. Surrounded by barbed wire (I'm not kidding). Race riots were once common.

The county seems to be a major trucking route, as it is right between three major metropolitin centers (Ann Arbor, Detroit, Toledo). That and it's also on I-75.

Current state representative is Randy Richardville, a Republican and Monroe resident.

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