The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians. They appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer, Ph.D., for the Journal of Court Reporting:

• "By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better."
• "Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year."
• "The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes to his feet."
• "On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared."
• "She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."
• "The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983."
• "I will be happy to go into her GI system; she seems ready and anxious."
• "Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor."
• "Discharge status: Alive but without permission. The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him."
• "Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful."
• "The patient refused an autopsy."
• "The patient has no past history of suicides."
• "The patient expired on the floor uneventfully."
• "The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed."