Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas manufactured military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that will best meet your future needs and desires.

1.
(_) Mr.
(_) Mrs.
(_) Ms.
(_) Lt.
(_) Gen.
(_) Sir
(_) King
(_) Queen
(_) Comrade
(_) Classified
(_) Other

First Name: _______________________
Initial: ___
Last Name: _______________________
Password: ________________________ (max. 8 char)
Code Name: ______________________
Latitude/Longitude/Altitude: __________E/W ___________N/S ___________ FT./M ASL

2. Which model of aircraft/Unmanned Aerial Vehicle did you purchase?
(_) RQ-3A Dark Star
(_) RQ-4A Global Hawk
(_) F-14 Tomcat
(_) F-15 Eagle
(_) F-16 Falcon
(_) F-117A Stealth
(_) Booster/Orbiter/ICBM
(_) Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ____/____/____

4. Serial/Buno Number: ________________

5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
(_) Received as gift
(_) Foreign Aid Package
(_) Catalogue / Showroom
(_) Independent arms broker
(_) Mail order
(_) Discount store
(_) Government surplus
(_) Classified

6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
(_) Heard loud noise, looked up
(_) Store display
(_) Espionage
(_) Recommended by Friend / Relative / Ally
(_) Political lobbying by manufacturer
(_) Was attacked by one
(_) Classified

7.a. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
(_) Style / appearance
(_) Speed / Maneuverability
(_) Price / Value
(_) Comfort / Convenience
(_) Kickback / Bribe
(_) Recommended by salesperson
(_) McDonnell Douglas reputation
(_) Advanced Weapons Systems
(_) Backroom politics
(_) Negative experience opposing one in combat

7.b. Please indicate the two (2) ways in which you plan to use your McDonnell Douglas product the most often:
(_) Air-to-Air Superiority Fighter
(_) Attack
(_) Multirole
(_) Daily Commute
(_) Indimidation / Psychological Warfare
(_) Decoration
(_) Reverse engineering of advanced technology
(_) Logistics
(_) Gift for children
(_) Classified
(_) Suicide

8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used the most often:
(_) North America
(_) Iraq
(_) Former Soviet Union
(_) Iraq
(_) Aircraft Carrier
(_) South America
(_) Arctic/Antarctic
(_) Europe
(_) Iraq
(_) Middle East (not Iraq)
(_) Iraq
(_) Africa
(_) Iraq
(_) Greenland
(_) Asia / Far East
(_) Iraq
(_) Detroit
(_) Australia
(_) Miscellanious Third World countries
(_) Iraq
(_) Classified
(_) Iraq

9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:
(_) Color Television
(_) VCR
(_) ICBM
(_) Orbital Death Projector
(_) CD Player
(_) Ordnance (Anti-Ship, Air-to-Ground or Air-to-Air)
(_) Orbiter/Space Shuttle
(_) Home Computer
(_) Nuclear Weapon
(_) Toaster

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all that apply:)
(_) Communist / Socialist
(_) Terrorist
(_) Unaffiliated Extreme Left-Wing (Labour Party, Green, etc.)
(_) Unaffiliated Extreme Right-Wing (Christian Coalition, Tory, etc.)
(_) Crazed / Maniacal
(_) Neutral
(_) Religious
(_) Democratic
(_) Dictatorship
(_) Republic
(_) Fascist
(_) Corrupt
(_) Primitive / Tribal
(_) Classified

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
(_) Deficit Spending
(_) Cash
(_) Suitcases of cocaine
(_) Oil revenues
(_) Personal check
(_) Credit card
(_) Ransom money
(_) Traveller's check
(_) Trade-in/In-House Financing

12. Your occupation:
(_) Homemaker
(_) Sales / Marketing
(_) Revolutionary
(_) Clerical
(_) Mercenary
(_) Tyrant
(_) Middle Management
(_) Eccentric
(_) Defense Minister / General
(_) Retired
(_) Classified
(_) Student

13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
(_) Golf
(_) Boating / Sailing
(_) Sabotage
(_) Running / Jogging
(_) Propaganda / Misinformation
(_) Destabilization
(_) Default on loans
(_) Gardening
(_) Crafts
(_) Black market / smuggling
(_) Insurgency / Counterinsurgency
(_) Collectibles / Collections
(_) Watching sports on TV
(_) Wine/Fine Dining
(_) Interrogation / Torture
(_) Domesticated Animals
(_) Crushing rebellions
(_) Espionage / Reconnaissance
(_) Fashion clothing
(_) Border disputes
(_) Classified
(_) Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about McDonnell Douglas Products? Please feel free to address any additional comments to: McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION, Marketing Department Military, Aerospace Division

IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word 'bifitrufucation' has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored.

Note: Although I am not the original author, I felt it amusing enough to modify slightly and then node. So there.

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