I no longer remember who linked the article, but a friend of mine
thought I would be interested, and as it turns out, I still am. The
article was about a topic that isn't relevant to me anymore, but the
ideas inside of it are still pertinent. Most of us have habits or
behaviors that we recognize as being less than ideal. When I was
younger, my mother told me to sit up straight. The first time she told
me, I remember thinking, 'but I was sitting up straight'. I didn't know
that the way I was sitting was suboptimal, the article would label this
mentality as unconsciously incorrect. After my mother explained how to
sit up up in a spine friendly manner, I entered the stage
of consciously incorrect because now I knew what I hadn't been doing
right earlier.
When I started taking my mother's words to heart, I entered the the
third stage which is consciously correct. I could sit up straight, but
only if I paid attention to my posture, and after a while, I'd start
slumping back down, and rounding my shoulders. I can't speak for other
women, but sometime around breast development, I became conscious of my
chest, and started rounding my shoulders further. Today I am still not
at the ideal stage of unconsciously correct posture where I
automatically sit up straight at all times without even thinking about
it. Throughout my day I see people being criticized for not knowing
things that others think they should know.
Even at the three year old level, an idea exists that it's okay to
ream out others for not doing things the way that children think they
should be done. When I watch the children after school, the same
playground rules apply, only I don't know all of the rules so sometimes
the kids are able to get away with things that they wouldn't during
normal recess time. When I observed recess, there was a five foot hill
of snow on the playground, so a few things have changed, and I'm not a
teacher, so I may not always be picking up on things that I should be,
and I may be overly harsh others would be more lenient.
Today I was thinking about yesterday, and where I'm at with regard to
certain areas of my life. While I can't brag that parenting and finance
classes have magically transformed me into a consciously correct parent
and money manager, I'm more aware of the mistakes I was making, and the
mindset that I was in previously. Saturday morning my daughter and I
were behind a woman who was literally screaming at her children. Several
cashiers and other patrons were either staring outright, or standing in
embarrassed silence. This woman probably knows that yelling at her
children is ineffective parenting, but she might not know
how to be more effective after her children have pushed her to her
limits.
Perhaps some of you would say that she knows she shouldn't yell, this
is probably true, but I'm just guessing that all of us have resorted to
raising our voices, or otherwise acting in a manner that we knew was
inappropriate. Too often I see people labeled and criticized when I
think that what they could really use is some kind words, removal from
the situation, and some better approaches or more knowledge. I'll
probably always have some degree of trouble with impulse shopping after
I've been on a saving streak. I doubt I'll be able to ride my bike or do
my yoga DVD's as often as I would like to be doing them. But the more
often I complete these tasks, and the better I feel after doing things
that are in line with future goal achievement, the stronger those
connections in my brain are going to be.
Right now the people I live with are making decisions to be
consciously incorrect when it comes to food, money, and fitness.
Children form habits early, they learn from watching their parents, and I
was really glad when we gave my daughters some money to spend on
clothes, and my oldest went straight to the clearance rack. There's a
discount grocery store here in town. My oldest snubbed it when I pulled
into the parking lot, but we spent $20, and I think we would have spent
about twice that at the regular store. It won't be long before my girls
are out on their own. My step-daughter left home, and now she's back
because of decisions she's made.
She could be making better decisions, but she's choosing to feel
sorry for herself, and she's rejecting the idea that her habits and
behavior can change because she views the process as painful. I'd like
to tell her that it isn't easier to discipline yourself at almost forty
than it is at twenty-two, but telling people things robs them of the
chance to discover it on their own. I went for a long bike ride
yesterday. Today I'm pretty sore, but it's mostly the good kind of sore
from using muscles that haven't been challenged in a while. I'm going to
get a job. Money is a part of the solution to some of the problems I
have, but if I can't manage small sums of money, larger sums are going
to create more debt issues for me.
In the past I've had calendars that I haven't used. This year I
invested in a booklet style one that can sit on my desk. For some reason
that works better for me than the kind that hang on the wall. Initially
I felt guilty about spending the money on it since I had a perfectly
good wall calendar, but this one actually works for me, and I've been
much more organized about who is going where these past few months. The
other day I bought a book that was expensive, but if it helps me achieve
my goals in the kitchen, then it was a purchase I'm not going to
regret. I still have a long ways to go in many areas, but I'm proud of
the advancements I've made because this formula is helping me identify
weaknesses, and giving me a strategy to help me change my behaviors.
Here's a quick review for anyone interested in the continuum:
- Unconsciously incorrect
- Consciously incorrect
- Consciously correct
- Unconsciously correct
Be well, and have fun.
jess