Beauty is only a phone call away
one time payment, at the LOW LOW PRICE
of a dream, and a pipe to put it in.

operators are standing by
to help you along the road of self improvement
this salvation is not available in stores
and supplies are limited.

You have too much hair and you're not firm enough
Nor are you adequately familiar with the 80's greatest hits.

The path to enlightenment has been paved for your convenience!
just send cheque or money order to the address listed below
or have your credit card ready
you too could have a whiter soul in just twenty days

or your money back.
guaranteed.