Did you ever wake up to a day when things just sorta felt “different” and you didn’t know why? That happened to me today…
It started out as always. I dragged my sorry ass out of bed and started my morning routine. It was the same as always, you know the drill. You take a shower, tend to a few other bathroom essentials, drive to work, check your e-mail and calendar for list of to do’s and appointments and just try and get on with the day. But, there was this thing in the back of my head that somehow, someway, today was special.
Why was March 20 different?
Was it because it’s supposed to be 84 degrees in the middle of March in central Ohio?
Was it because I’ve got an appointment with a tax attorney because the IRS is breathing down my neck for something that happened in 2006?
Do I have my annual doctors appointment to see if everything under the hood is still running as it should?
And then it came to like a clap of thunder after a flash of lightning.
Today marks the 36th anniversary of the day my brother decided to take his own life.
I can’t explain why this year that memory seems so vivid and maybe the word “anniversary” isn’t the right one to use since that usually connotes some type of celebration. Maybe the word "remembrance" is more suitable to the occassion. Somehow this date didn’t seem to have the same significance that it does this year and I’m left to wonder what happened to all those years in between?
I guess it just lends some credence to the old saying that “the mind works in mysterious ways.”
I do know this though.
When it comes to an individual life, by most standards, thirty six years is a long fuckin’ time.
Today it seems to have gone by in the blink of an eye.
Sleep well my brother.