Al Gore spoke out today on the issue of cigarettes. He was speaking to some voting folks in a tobacco growing region. He assured them that he would never try to make cigarettes illegal. He empathized with them about their jobs and their children's futures and all that other good-sounding stuff that he's learned at the feet of the master liar of all time.

I don't care about this vice-pantload. What I would like to see happen is this:

Let's make cigarettes illegal once and for all. I'm sick and tired of hearing about all the death and destruction that these little bastards are causing. To hear the politicos talk about it, cigarettes are the worst thing that ever happened to the planet. The planet Al Gore is so fucking concerned about. So, why won't the federal government just go ahead and do the right thing? Let's make 'em contraband.

I'm actually all for it, to tell you the truth. I'm sick of going to the bar at a restaurant to eat, because it's quicker, and having to put up with these idiot fucks who light a cigarette and put it in the ashtray to burn like some sort of toxic incense. I'm sick to death of watching folks light one up and then start coughing uncontrollably. I'm sick of paying for all the old fuckers' Medicare who are sick 'cause they smoked.

I smoke a couple of cigarettes a day. But I'd be more than happy to do what you marijuana users do; I'd smoke 'em in secret. No one sees me smoke these 2 or 3 anyway, 'cause my family doesn't want to smell it. The price on the black market couldn't be near as much as I'm paying now. If inflation on the price of a car was equal to inflation on the price of a pack of smokes in my lifetime, you'd have to pay over $100,000 for a basic Chevy.

I realize this goes against my usual stance of free markets and libertarian thought. But I say, "Put up or shut up." Either make them illegal or get these goddamned (and, in this case, I mean literally "damned by God Almighty") plaintiffs' lawyers out of my face.

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