One of the best games I have ever played. To say that Mail Order Monsters is a classic would be an incredible understatement and it definitely remains testament to how much can be accomplished with so little.

Here are some of the juicy details and keep in mind this is a Commodore 64 game from 1985!

You can choose among 12 basic monster types:

• Tyro (T-Rex)
• Bronto (Brontosaurus)
• Hominid
• Lyonbear (Lion-bear hybrid)
• Arachnid
• Carnifern (A tree!)
• Worm
• Squid
• Amoeboid (Seriously! an amoeba!)
• Crab
• Wasp
• Pterasaur

Five adjustable traits (with battle experience, of course):

• Armor
• Muscle
• Speed
• Mind
• Life

Twelve special features:

• Sting
• Web
• Spit (Venom!)
• PSI Blast (Robocop glasses!)
• Gills
• Burrow
• Anti-Energy protection (Against PSI Blast and energy weapons)
• Anti-Projectile protection
• Healing
• Photosynthesis (It actually turns your monster green too!)
• Hands (Come in handy ;)

Fifteen weapons:

• Autorifle
• Boorang (Boomerang)
• Emace (Energy mace)
• E-Stealer (Energy stealer)
• Flamer (Flamethrower)
• Gas Gun
• Grav Gun (Gravity gun)
• Grenade
• Laspistol (Laser pistol)
• Mindsink (Psychological weapon of some kind)
• Missile
• Multilas (Multi-laser)
• Needler (Gun that shoots needles?)
• Sword
• Bomb

Fifteen items:

• Magnimail (Magnetic chainmail)
• PSI Helm (Psychological attack protection)
• Neutralizer (?)
• Forcefield
• Reflecto (A mirror)
• Ultron (A shield)
• Star Java (Need that battlefield caffeine boost!)
• Jet Pack
• Medi Kit
• Aqualung (SCUBA gear)
• Memoryrna (Memory RNA, I guess? Don't remember what it does...)
• E-Pak (Energy pack)
• Energy
• Rounds
• Food

Once you're finished sifting through all the options and you've finally spent all your Psychons, your monster can then head over to the Transmat (teleportation) booth and begin to battle to the death in all sorts of tournaments all over the galaxy! And the computer, despite being a lowly C64, isn't necessarily easy either!

Ah, I must wipe away a nostalgic tear. My best, most loyal monster was Annihilator: a hominid with PSI Blast, photosynthesis, and gills, who vanquished even the most formidable monsters. Splattering amoeboid cytoplasm, chopping carnifern limbs... he truly lived up to his name!

Well, what are you waiting for? Go download an emulator and hit Google!