So, here I am at work, documenting this rather cool database tool, when who should walk in but our sysadmin.

"Um." he says. "We've pulled some statistics from the log files of the proxy server."

"That's cool." I reply. "Find anything interesting?"

He fidgets, and thrusts a printout in to my hands. "Forty percent of our incoming web traffic ends at your workstation."

Uh-oh.

"In second place is our secretary, at thirty-one percent."

Oh crap. Our secretary spends most of the day surfing, while he waits for the phone to ring, or customers to arrive. Everyone knows this.

"The figures drop off exponentially from there." Great.

He pauses for a second. Then: "I just thought you should know, before I put the graphics up on the company notice-board." Now, I know my boss is cool, I do my work and more, but our CFO is not. What fun. "Oh, and by the way, there's this one site which takes like sixty percent of all your hits..."

"Let me guess..." I mumble.

"Yeah. What is that everything site about anyway?"

...

Ladies, Gentlemen, Esteemed Noders of the Jury. I hereby proclaim myself the lamest of the lame; The most fuckwitted fuckwitter in all of fuckwittery; And I hereby declare that I should be shot for wasting the valuable bandwidth of a company that even now struggles day by day to avoid the gaping maw of insolvency eventually went bankrupt with over 30 million Euros of debt.

Thank you for your time.

 

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