“With a pretty pink smile, gentle blue eyes, and a shimmering rainbow of silky curls tumbling down her slender back, Lady LovelyLocks is truly the most beautiful princess in the world.”

Lady Lovelylocks was an 80’s cartoon which was too sweet and lovely and sugary for words, and yet I loved it anyway. I still own the video. Basically Lady Lovelylocks is the protector and the queen-like ruler of the Kingdom of Lovelylocks, where every animal, vegetable and mineral has long and lustrous hair. She lives in some sparkly cake-ish palace in pastel yellows and pinks, and little birds and rainbows and treasures, with her best friends Maiden Fairhair and Maiden Curlycrown. They awake every single morning in a most lovely mood and they love each other and their entire kingdom so dearly.

Lady Lovelylocks has multicoloured stripes in her hair, which were magical gifts given to her to represent her royalty. The gentle glowing pink was given to her by Dawn, the resplendent gold came from the Sun and the twinkling lavender came from Twilight. These streaks allowed her to summon the Pixietails, which are gracious little forest creatures who have “Hair Magic”. This means they can add enchanted curls, sparkles and waves of colour to anything they fancy. The Pixietails speak in this really annoying dialect which means the suffix “-ix” is added to the end of everything. “Lets-ix fixi-ix it-ix!”, etc.

Lady Lovelylocks has the power to make ‘the beauty in her heart’ shine vividly in everything she does; it is this inner beauty that saves her beloved kingdom whenever danger threatens.

Danger usually comes in the form of Duchess Ravenwaves, who in my eyes is much sexier than Lady Lovelylocks. RavenWaves has rather than magical, pretty Pixietails, the blundering, bad-tempered Comb Gnomes. She has promised them beautiful hair, which is why they help her try to conquer the Kingdom of Lovelylocks. They’re basically really really stupid, and do whatever she tells them. They want to be prettier than the Pixietails, but the moral of the story is that since they possess no inner beauty in their hearts, they will never be as beautiful as Lady Lovelylocks and her friends.

Ravenwaves is jealous and arrogant and is forever trying to cut Lady Lovelylocks’s hair with scissors. She succeeds one time, and tries to use their special powers, but it doesn’t work, because she doesn’t have inner beauty. She has confused beauty with extravagance. She lives in Tangleland, which is a very dry and ugly place, because her pride leads her to spend more time on herself than her land. This means that there is static electricity everywhere which fills her hair whenever she becomes angry, causing little sparks to fly every time she touches something.

Like every other cartoon on the planet, it had an accompanying toy range. The most common critters to be produced were the Pixietails which came in the form of birds, chipmunks and mice, and were all in sickeningly pastel colours. Of course, they all had long, lovely hair, and they were produced by Mattel in 1987.

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