(Warning: this is incredibly coarse)
“... one of the songs is so obscene that I'm not even allowed to tell you its title. It is by a novelty pop act called Kunt and The Gang, and is essentially a narrative work in which a man encourages someone to substitute one orifice for another. It is life-affirmingly puerile stuff, set to one of the most infectious and upbeat melodies imaginable.”
- Charlie Brooker, Let’s hear it for murky lyrics
“Go on then, just this once, use my arse as a cunt”
- Kunt and the Gang, Use My Arse as a Cunt
Kunt and the Gang is the stage name of a novelty pop singer from Basildon, Essex, whose real name I don’t know. He adopts two separate personas, the two ‘members’ of the band – he plays Kunt, and a ventriloquist dummy with a photo cutout of Kunt’s face represents Little Kunt. Little Kunt (who, in the band’s mythology, occupies a role somewhere between son, clone and sex slave) is credited on the KatG Myspace as playing ‘vocals, kazoos’, while Kunt handles lead vocals, keyboards and drum machines. The musical style, while fairly stripped-down, allows the listener to focus on Kunt’s lyrics.
“What do you do in the middle of the night, when it’s deadly quiet and your mum’s asleep and your dad’s asleep and the door is shut and the light is out and the room is dark and the curtain’s drawn and you’re on your own, your bed is warm and your dream was rude and your hand’s restless and your knob is hard?
HAVE A WANK! HAVE A WANK! HAVE A MOTHERFUCKING WANK!”
- Kunt and the Gang, Have a Wank
As the name, and the quotes above, imply, these are astonishingly rude, deeply childish and often very funny. They focus mainly on masturbation, deviant sex of various sorts, obsessive lust for Carol Vorderman and some gloriously tasteless takes on dead celebrities and infamous criminals including Fred and Rose West, Gary Glitter and Barry George. (Though Barry George’s notoriously shaky conviction has since been quashed).
“Oh Carol! When I see you on Countdown, I have to pull my pants down, and pop a finger in my brown...”
- Kunt and the Gang, Carol Vorderman
By this point you probably already know whether or not you’ll enjoy Kunt and the Gang. Everything about the band is polarising, including the name which has seen it barred from playing several venues in the past.
The Wanking and Crying Trilogy:
- I Have a Little Wank and I Have a Little Cry
- I Have Another Wank and I Have Another Cry
- One Last Wank and One Last Cry
Men With Beards Multimedia CD
Here’s One I Knocked Out Earlier: Rare and Unreleased
I Sucked Off a Bloke + 2 new songs tour souvenir CD-R
There’s also a DVD, Viva Bas Vegas, which shows a live performance in the band’s hometown of Basildon. All albums are available on the delightfully named Disco Minge Records.
Official Youtube channel
Let’s hear it for murky lyrics. Well not out loud, of course, because they’re probably too obscene. Charlie Brooker, Guardian, 16 July 2007