A parody of infomercials that are shown in Finland,
made by Kristian Mattila, published on his web page
Panssarivaunulla Puuhun Ry. Excellent works of parody, I
must admit, complete with manipulated photographs / screenshots...
Since the site (http://www.panssarivau.nu/kostos/) is in Finnish, I
give you a quick look at the finest products they market:
- Assault Coffee Maker: My personal
favorite. Coffee maker for the Real Men. Boils in less than minute,
200 bar coffee output. Titanium structure. The pot part is made of
strike- and bullet proof glass. If you order now, you get a free
carrying case made of albino elephant's hide.
- Soapizer 2000 for Windows: The program with which
all popular soap operas - such as The Bold and the Beautiful and
Sunset Beach - were made with! Now available to the public! Creation
of crap has never been easier: Just set the parameters, such as
budget, actors, number of characters, degree of plot logic, erotic
moments and such and it will create scripts for you!
(This obviously parodies "Passeli" infomercials -
those people are selling a software package for financial management
in small and middle-sized corporations, apparently not even a bad
one.)
- Aaron Balsam - Bucketful of Bat Guano: The
greatest jungle metal artist's complete collection, 50 CDs totalling
3523 minutes 13 seconds of divine stuff. The test group members got a
carpal tunnel syndrome when changing CDs to their ghetto blasters, and
certain Jorma Mähönen had to eat Valium for over two weeks!
But you must be wondering, "If one CD is about 110 mk, this will
be about... 5499 mk in total?" No! It's yours for less than hundred -
only 99 mk (+ 9600 mk for shipping and
handling).
- Killer Bee (Accompanied by picture of this wonder
tool, very impressive feat of photomontage/manipulation =) - The
ultimate web design tool that creates the perfect page! Just point at
the Internet, pull trigger, and soon you have a very, very, very
attractive homepage that can say "Temporarily Under Construction" in
all three Finnish official languages! It does everything: Animated
yellow/black GIFs, 50-kilobyte backgrounds "that haven't been
optimized yet"...
- Others: Wonder Shark Safety Lure ("When Wonder
Shark Safety Lure touches any wet environment, it will melt like Jokinen's
lunch!"), R500 Super weight loss formula ("Lose
weight instantly... Use it everywhere - in bus, elevator, Sting's
concert... It will blow away all extra kilograms!
(that is not a figure of
speech.)"),
Turbo Engineer Pro ("Unlike cheap Danish
plastic toys, Turbo Engineer Pro is made of real wood! ... Don't
hesitate, order Turbo Engineer Pro Building Block Set before the
Consumer Ombudsman will ban it!"), Rabid Dental
Toning (Get beautiful white teeth... by painting over them!
Also available is a dark color for those who don't want
white teeth...)