Is it just a girl thing that there is a general distaste for the term "fucking" when it comes to sexual intercourse? Granted, it's just a word and it's the relationship and the deed that count, but UGH. There are several degrees of coitus, and f-ing is only one of them. There is the ever sappy romance novel term used by suave Don Juans with plastic combs in their back pockets: Let's make love, punkin. I love your feathered bangs and your tight pants. There is the clinical, almost gynecological having sex - that term to me conjures up an image of mechanics, stirrups, Jeremy Irons for some odd reason. Fucking is for all fours and gritted teeth. It certainly has its place, no doubt about it. The problem is that I can't tell loverboy what I want if I can't figure out a way to vocalize it. I want the raw intensity of fucking. But I don't always want that intensity through the flesh of my body. I want it in a look while we're connected at our vulnerable parts - hips, eyes, and lips included. I don't want Al Green in the background while he makes a feeble, yet earnest attempt at giving me some Harlequin romance bullshit. What is the phrase for the happy medium? How can you tell someone without looking like a total dufus that you want them to combine that mad hyena with a sensitive 80s guy mullet for you?

Perhaps the '80s beach-girl term "let's do it!" will suffice. Not so clinical as "let's have sex," lacking the animal overtones of "let's fuck," certainly rougher than "let's make love." If you want some intensity, but without the leather gear and ass-slapping, "let's do it" may be your phrase. It implies fun and a deal of reckless abandon without going totally wild and concentrating on the physical--it's a way of saying "I think you're sexy and I want your body" without the being overly euphemistic, yet without being totally raw about it.

When I was dating a young woman in my distant past we hit upon the same problem. It offended our sensibilities to say, "Let's fuck" or "I want you." We sat down and talked it out, sharing (verbally) our desire for freaky monkey sex without the freak or the monkey. What to do?

So, we came up with a catch-word. For us, the catch-word was "pink elephants." We decided to make the catch word something that could be used in the presence of any form of company, but would be so absurd that to hear it would cue the hearer in on what was really desired. So let's say the both of us are at dinner with our parents (all four of 'em) and we give each other that smothering "come hither" gaze. She might say, as she's talking to her mom:

"So I was sitting there and talking with Francis about this new dress she got the other day. Absolutely horrid, Mom. The thing had pink elephants patterned all over it. Pink elephants! Can you imagine?"

To which her mother might say, "Oh dear." And she would never be the wiser, but I certainly would know what's on my girl's mind. She has just told me that she wants me to take her away someplace soon and do the nasty while at the same time being a perfect lady about it.

bow-chica-bow-bow! (insert tacky 70's porno music here and segue into sleazy, meaningless, rauchy sub-plot involving flimsy hotel room walls)
Much boinkage will ensue.

We tried it. It works. Lots.

Use whatever phrase suits you best, but I suggest that you make it something not too outlandish. In our case, we had to change it up every now and then, lest our family members started to worry about a pink elephant fetish.

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