pretty soon (actually this saturday afternoon) i have a ritual to determine weather or not i can become a full initiate in our necromancy order instead of just a trainee. im not that nervous because High Priest Vincent has trained me well and i have been practicing every day. problem is, i am cutting it close. basically the necromancy elders from other parts of georgia (like stone mountain, savannah, and atlanta) will come to valdosta and watch me do a SUMMONING RITUAL. i dont want it to be boring because they have all summoned like a hundred different things before so some lesser imp or regular human spirit or something would probably put them all to sleep. so i decided i would try to summon someone FAMOUS.

so for the last week i have been trying to summon RONNIE JAMES DIO. i know at least High Priest Vincent was pretty torn up when he died and so i thought i would do this one as a suprise. probably at least one of theo ther elders likes Dio too anyways because come on who doesnt. but i have tried the ritual the last two nights and both times it didnt work. i am getting pretty desperite here so i will do it again tonight and take notes in this log as i do and if anyone notices where i'm making some amateur mistake maybe they can tell me.

step 1: draw the summoning circle

i just drew a pentagram on the attic floor with red chalk purchased especially from a company that makes supplies for this sort of ritual so i know ive got the right kind of chalk. also Victor taught me how to draw the circle himself so i know i did that part right. i put candles all around the circle and some in other places in the room for lighting and mood purposes. i am supposed to out ronnie's sigil in the middle but how the hell should i know what that is so i just put BLACK SABBATH in chalk in the middle.

step 2: put the attractor posession in the triangle

its much easier to summon a wayward spirit to a place if you have a posession it owned in human life, or a hair, or a picture of it, or something connected to it. i really dont have anything that dio owned but i do have a CD of HEAVEN AND HELL so i put that in the middle with a pack of cigarettes and a picture of one of his hotter groupies that i found on google.

step 3: begin the incantation

i just lit incense that is aquamarine scented. as soon as i stop writing this paragraph i will say this:

I entreat thee RONNIE JAMES DIO to manifest before me so you may give me true and faithful answer, so that I may accomplish my desired end, provided that it is proper to your office. This I respectfully and humbly ask in Your Name.

step 4: wait

okay i did it. now i wait and concentrate, sitting in the full lotus position in front of the circle until i feel his presence sweep into the room, which will go cold at first and then suddenly become very hot. if it goes really well i will see him and speak to him, if it only goes a little well ill just feel his presence really strongly, but i need to be able to make him appear and move things around with DARK TELEKENISIS or be visible or something that will satisfy the elders when they come. i think if i can get dio to come out tonight ill be able to explain to him my situation and it will be easier to get him to appear on saturday.

Sunday was Fathers Day. It seems strange to me, as "father" can cover such a broad range of folk. From sperm donors, through deadbeat dads to the "traditional" father figures, all the way to the modern single dads doing it all by themselves. To bundle them all up under one day of appreciation seems incongruous. They don't go together. The deadbeat dads and the hard-working single dads, all appreciated together, equally. That feels a little unjust.

I'm not a single dad, but sometimes it feels like it. Rightly or wrongly, that's the way it's felt.

When it's been just myself and the baby, these have been the best weeks in years. It rams home that I really have been doing it almost all on my own. The weeks it's been just the two of us, it has been easier rather than harder. I've only had to look after the two of us. I haven't had to negotiate, step around the issues and try so hard not to make her feel excluded.

This is so very, very hard and painful to admit.

I don't know what's left of us, and I don't know what the right thing to do is.

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