Among the most multipurpose phrases in existence, the true beauty of "Jesus Chair" is that you don't have to know what the hell a Jesus Chair is to be proficient at Jesus Chairing. Here's a simple tutorial:

Like "Duuuude!, the main purpose of Jesus Chair is for substituting words. Unlike Duuuude!, you can substitute any word or phrase with Jesus Chair, and you don't sound like Keanu Reeves in the process. Some samples:

"Whoa! Check out the Jesus Chairs on that chick!"

"Mr. Watson, I wouldn't be firing you if my mother hadn't asked me--on her Jesus Chair--to do so."

"What in the name of Jesus Chair is that?"

"The graduating class of 2000: Sarah Abernathy, Joseph Alder-Cossett, uhh *awkward pause* Jesus Chair, Wanda Atkinson....."

"This model is top-of -the-line, sir. It features dynamic flowback, integrated picture logic, three Jesus Chairs, and a killer sound system."

You can also use Jesus Chair for expletives:

"If you don't get your Jesus Chairing Jesus Chair over here, I'm gonna kick your Jesus Chair!"

"What the Jesus Chair?"

"My Jesus Chair is 15 inches long!"

Imagine, if South Park: Bigger, Longer, And Uncut had used "Jesus Chair" instead of Fuck, Shit, etc., it probably would have been endorsed by the Christian Coalition!

Finally, Jesus Chair is perfect for telling jokes that people would normally roll their eyes when hearing...

Joke Teller: Why do Jesus Chairs have legs? So they can run!
Listeners: AHAHAHAH!!!

But in the normal form:
JT: Why do cats have legs? So they can run!
L: Hardy har har, so funny I forgot to laugh, NOT.

Thanks for reading, everyone! And if you didn't like my presentation, then you can kiss my Jesus Chair!


I can only imagine what CowboyNeal's Jesus Chair is...

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