I have fallen in love with top hats and waist coats. But that's not all I've come to love.

I generally hate the ocean at everything but a distance. Sitting on a balcony with a good book and iced coffee I can stare at the ocean all day. But actually coming into contact with the ocean is something I only do because I romanticize it to myself. A walk on the white sand, lapping waves and burning sky, short shorts and sandals held casually in one hand. What a wonderful picture. In reality, that wind that makes the model's hair waver gently also picks up sand and stings her oh-so-perfectly tanned legs. The waves are cold and the water has questionable clumps of stickiness in it. The white beach is never white and never seaweed free. The idyllic sky in fact gives you cancer.

My friends are fishing people, and so they chose a fishing beach. That is, they chose a shack on a beach from where one may, once in the bay in a boat, fish. For this reason they did not care what actual beach they chose, only that the house had beds and there was a boat ramp nearby. This meant that the beach was nothing like what you imagine a beach to be. There was sand, about four feet wide and gray and covered in unbroken shells. There was lapping water, but it lapped over weed and rocks and carried with it crabs and tiny fish. There was a gentle breeze, but it either cursed you with biting cold or teased you with the shortest of reliefs from the scorching sun.

In normal circumstances I avoid the beach as much as possible. On this beach, I wished for nothing more then an endless pile of books. However, I also value my time alone and a house of ten other very talkative people the beach was the only place I could really escape to. So to the beach I went.

After I'd stumbled along, avoiding the ankle deep, two meter wide, shore-long trail of seaweed, I gave up and sat down in the most awful sand in the world. It was like millions of tiny pebbles, and absolutely nothing like what sand is meant to be. But I ignored that, tossed my thongs somewhere in front of me and proceeded to pout about the injustices of life and the extreme lack of shirtless boys to stare at or talk to. I then made a story up in my head about "myself" in this exact situation, only much more interesting. When that got boring I buried my feet in the sand, and finally lay back and pretended that my white skin wouldn't burn in the sun.

Of course it did burn, but I decided that maybe the beach wasn't as evil as I thought and that I could definitly do this tomorrow. "Tomorrow", though, brought with it entirely new experiences.

As I said, I do not like the beach. I definitely do not like the water. I do not even like swimming in the pool at home much, let alone the salty water in which many things, such as stingrays and sharks, reside. Jetty jumping, therefore, was going to the extremes. So was swimming from the boat. I lathered on the sunscreen, ignored my fears and went for it.

Jetty jumping is scary, so my method did not include standing on the edge of the jetty thinking "oh crap oh crap the water is a long way down". Instead, I walked to the edge, looked down, though "oh, dear" and stepped off. Boat swimming was not so bad. It was very pleasant, actually. Enjoyable, nearly.

My reasons for disliking the water are not what one may think. When I find a spider in my bedroom I kill it without question. My bedroom is my territory, and like a wild animal I protect my territory viciously from others. The water belongs to the water creatures. If a shark came and devoured me while I was in the water I would not hate it. If I came and devoured a shark while it was in my room it should not hate me. Metaphorically, of course. I don't eat fish much, so shark is definitly off the menu. But knowing this I am quite afraid of being found by some form of creature in the water and being devoured. I don't want to be eaten.

The sociality of my time at the beach was fairly limited, but I got to see three marriages which are in themselves dynamic and very interesting to watch. One couple have been together for 37 years, ever since she was 18. The second couple were still amusing and sweet to watch. They flirted, openly and obviously, but they also had everything about them that parents have. The third were my parents, and I get to watch them all the time, so they don't count.

There were three girls there, including me. Around the two sisters, I feel like the fat, dumpy one. Their genetics mean they do not burn, and they look like Aboriginals, nearly, with their skin. They are also incredibly skinny, and though I am the average weight, average feels enormous around people who are healthily and naturally skinny. There was a boy my age, but he was there as the boyfriend of one of the sisters, so instead I looked at his body and did nothing. My younger brother did nothing but annoy me, but he is also a very nice person, at times.

So now I have dreadlocks for hair, thanks to the salt water that didn't quite wash out, my back will start peeling in the next few days and I miss miss miss the beach. I have no desire to go outside to my swimming pool but I would leap off a jetty now if I could.

I have school next week but despite the maths and the load of work that is staring me between the eyes I am determined to keep at least the essence of this idea of freedom and happiness that I discovered I still can feel. I feel like a teenager. It's strange. I love it.

Oh, and happy Aussie day.

<.>

As I browsed Flickr last night, voyeuristically clicking from gallery to gallery, I noticed that the contents within many of the 18+ groups were surprisingly eclectic. While a lot of fetish communities seem to group and generalize their material (though I wouldn't claim to be an expert on the subject), the Flickr user base seemed instead to gravitate toward very precise, detailed fantasies and tastes. I'd already saved some of the weirder, funnier ones into a Word file for myself, when I had the idea to maybe turn them into a list for the daylogs. Really, I may have gotten a little bit carried away; browsing over sixty-five groups at a minimum, I cut it down to the fifty best, then wrote this node.

Key: the bolded text above each excerpt is the name of the group; the underlined number beside it is the number of members in that group; and the indented text beneath both is each group's personal description, reproduced verbatim including any errors in spelling, grammar or sanity.

---

about Females in flip flops (skirts/dresses) (30)

_{This group is made for FULL BODY shots of women/girls wearing flip flops BUT WORN WITH either dresses or skirts only. I prefer long dresses and long skirts more than other lengths but I just find those clothes attracting on women when worn with flip flops. I don't allow any bad content on this group! Make sure you read the RULES!}

about men sitting in a chair naked (337)

_{pics of amature men sitting naked in a chair or clothed but showing thier cocks.}

about Blue Jeans & Topless -New (324)

_{To revitalize the abandoned Blue Jeans & Topless group. The theme of blue jeans and topless is a popular one for good reason...}

about Men who love to wear panties, and why not. (3,460)

_{It is a group for all those guys out there who love to wear panties, tights, stockings, or any womens clothing. It is not peverted and we are not freaks, we just feel comfortable and happy when we can put a pair of panties, stockings, tights on, and if it feels good and if it is a turn-on then why not, lifes far to short to worry about it. Lots of men have secret fantasies about wearing panties so come on guys try it, be a devil.}

about A Fetish for Braces and Teeth, and Dentistry. (8)

_{Hello I'm Malakai, Welcome to my group. It is as it says. A fetish group. All pictures subscribed must be of teeth, braces, and dental-related materials. This is an adult forum, although any pictures depicting genitals of either sex, frontal-nudity, or any pornographic material will be deleted and the submittee will be deleted. So I will say that this is strictly for people ages 18+, if you are offended, please leave now.}

about Sexy strollers/pushchairs/prams/buggies. (37)

_{Pictures of hot mommas with strollers, pushchairs, prams and/or buggies. The incumbent child is not the focus, as we are only interested in hot, sexy women.}

about Clothing Optional Costume Parties (284)

_{If you've never been to a clothing optional costume party you haven't been to a costume party!}

about Difficulties with high heels in public places (112)

_{Collection of spontaneous street high heels shots of women who got to difficulties with their high heels (bad pavement, stairs, deep slope, too hurry, too drunk, tired feet or simply too high heels for public use.}

about Drunk women up to no good (4,669)

_{It does exactly what it says on the tin.}

about Real Upskirt (1,835)

<sub>Real upskirt
I am an Upskirt fan I invite anyone interested to join.
I spent 5 hours a day on the internet looking for new upskirts and 3 hours on my business at home. www.wfh-myway.com. I quit my office job because I couldn't search for upskirt pictures at work, but since I work from home in my basement, I have nothing but time to search and enjoy great upskirt view. join me and let's view share upskirt pictures.

my business site: www.wfh-myway.com

view more pictures at picasaweb.google.com/upskirtlover07/MyPhotosVidioe</sub>

about Clone Sex, public (8)

_{Erotic and sexually explicit clone photos. A couple could become a trio, or three or four guys against a girl, or a guy with two girls... use your imagination, the possibilities are endless.}

about Girls in protective masks (426)

_{We want girls who are protecting who they truely are... Girls with something to hide... we want to see girls in a mysterious light, the way you would at a costume party, or a mysterious temptress in the dark.}

about Girls Freezing (5)

_{All about girls freezing and shivering. Snow Angels, Ice Baths, Skinnydipping, Polar Bear Swims...Nude, Bikini or else, all welcome. No indecent underage allowed. Approval for membership could take some time, don't get impatient please.}

about Diapers in Public (303)

_{If you like showing your diapers in public places, this is the group for you.}

<sub>Please post your photos here but stay on topic - diapers in public. Remember diapers please, no naked pix. And certainly no photos of children unless they just happen to be in the background.

I have given you a starter for 10. Heehee.

Happynappies
Johnipoohs</sub>

about Girls in public transport (205)

_{Any transport doesn't care.}

about Torture(Public) (5,896)

_{(no description available)}

about Naughty nude women with fair skin! (32)

_{Women with fair skin who love to show it all! If you are a light, white-skinned woman who can't or won't tan and you are proud of your complexion, please let everyone see it, all the way from head to toe! No men, unless they are providing pleasure to a fair-skinned woman or secondary to her in the photo. "Moderate" or "Restricted" photos, please, as we are not trying to be "Safe" here!!}

about Sex life in Korea (633)

_{Post your own pictures about sex life in Korea or with Korean girls.}

about DIRTY but Delicious female feet (406)

_{Post pics of Dirty & sexy foot fetish and want to lick them clean and also pics of a man or a woman licking the dirty feet of a lady}

about Know any sneaky ways to let friends fuck your wife (145)

_{Want to watch your wife fuck one of your friends or new aquaintence? One of the guys I play golf with loves sex as much as i do. He has seen a couple pics of the wife and I could tell she really turned him on. We planned a meeting one evening at a local bar where we go and we like to let the guys peak up her skirt. I started a chat with him as if he was a stranger just enjoying the view and we ended up taking him home and he got to fulfill his fantasy of fucking her.}

about naked with book(s) (73)

_{...or partly naked.}

about Girls Rubbing Noses (with girls or guys) (96)

<sub>Only pics of Girls rubbing noses with other girls or a guy.
Nose to nose or nearly so :) Rubbing on a girl's cheek or finger is OK if cute!

NO pics showing genitals! NO pics without a *female* involved!

thanks :)</sub>

about Very Candid Feet!!! (45)

_{This group is dedicated to those of us who love to snap shots of sexy barefeet out in public. But only when the lady does not know she is being photographed. I do it all the time in line at the store walking around at Wal-mart. Sitting in my college class (that is the best). So come on and show me what you got and tell me the story behind the pic.}

about French_Kiss (between womens) (7,315)

_{New group for French kiss : only here kisses between women !! (blowjob kisses is accepted but only that !!) Mens and womens is accepted! have fun !! Sara xxx}

about Hot Girl Mustache (51)

_{Foxy girls with fake mustaches. Girls who can pull off a mustache and make it look good...}

about Gay Toys (261)

_{Toys acting gay, whatever that means to you (or to the administrators, if they think your pic is too far off topic). Please, since this is a public group, don't post any pics with really graphic violence or graphically extreme sexual acts. And this isn't is a group for gay sex toys- just regular toys acting "gay."}

about kinky as fuck (1,418)

_{any thing}

about Total Body Freedom (944)

<sub>The idea behind this group is imagining a world where you have complete freedom to do anything you want to with your body no matter where you are or who you're with. A world where there never were any restrictions or hang ups about our bodies, being naked, and enjoying other people bodies.

This group is for pictures of Men only.</sub>

about fuck me in africa (3,290)

_{its about man that feels like a shark...like great predators and want fuck a woman all others want fuck too.}

about pussies stuffed with panties (5,569)

_{This is a group for people who like to see pussies (or the occasional anus being filled with a pair of panties)...no other pics will be considered...simple as that!}

about Foot - No Kids, No Animals, No Objects, No Penises (2,415)

<sub>This group is about feet pictures, in all positions, from all angles. Sexy pictures are encouraged.

Rules are as loose as possible. Feet may be bare or shod, in close-up or not, male or female, young or old. It's up to you. Use your judgement.

Quantity: as many as you want, but keep to the topic.

Restrictions: HUMAN ADULT feet pics only. No kids, no animals, no objects, no statues, no furniture.

NO PORNOGRAPHY: no bodily fluids, no erect penises, no footjobs.</sub>

about Fuck me I'm French (4,377)

_{life,love,sex,bad taste,and a good breakfast.......}

about sleeping mouth open fetish club (155)

_{It's for people who like to see girls or boys sleeping with their mouths opened for pleasure. That really turn me on. My name is Dania.}

about Nameless Armpit Showing Men (852)

_{(no description available)}

about Wii Fit Naked or Nude (149)

_{Pics of you or your friends playing Wii Fit Nude of Naked.
or working out in the buff.}

about SHOE'S I'D LOVE TO SNIFF (11)

_{Group for sexy shoe's you;d like to smell while jerking off,,,yummmy shoe sniffing fetish!}

about Naked Girls At The Computer (412)

_{This is a group for pics and videos of completely head-to-toe naked (preferably gorgeous), women (ABSOLUTELY no clothes...no tops...no bottoms...no shoes) at, or near, a computer or laptop. (Yes, iPods count ;)}

about how to get boyfriends (2)

_{how you can get a boyfriend or some people to like you and if you are bi girls to like you}

about naked women, clothed men (1,800)

_{pictures of fully dressed men looking at , groping, laughing at, or in any way interacting with nude women.}

about Naked in your Car (13,782)

<sub>I want to see you naked in your car. Why should only the truckers get to see this!

Keep is safe though! Don't want anyone getting hurt.</sub>

about ballet flats (151)

_{This is a group for people that likes to see women with this kind of shoe.}

about Dressed like a slut (6,023)

<sub>Girls/women who dress like sluts - short dresses, high heels et.c - because maybe that's what they are!

NO NUDES or PORNO</sub>

about Posing nude with your musical instrument (18)

<sub>Here you can post photos you've made on which we can see someone pose (partial or completely) nude with a musical instrument.

Applications for this group have to include the http:// location of at least one photo you'd like to contribute to the pool. You might have to grant us permission to view it.</sub>

about Dogging wife or friend having sex in Public (1,989)

_{Dogging wife or friend having sex in Public your pics must be women with guy or guys no guy and guy.
Adults only.}

about Guys playing video games naked (265)

_{It seems surprisingly hard to find pictures that go with this subject. I thought it woudl be a lot easier to find since most guys love video games as well as being comfortably naked. Put the 2 together and it just makes sense!
So here's a place to share your pictures of guys playing video games naked, holding controlers (other than there own that is) or other such nakedness/video-gameness combos}

about Crossdressers in pretty clothes (1,153)

<sub>A group for crossdressers wearing their pretty clothes in nice poses ! Casual or formal are both good, but not 'tarty' please. Also, it is nice to see your clothes, so please post pictures showing the whole of yourself and not simply head and shoulders.
As it is nice to see who you are, please, don't post "headless" pictures .

Definitely not for nudity - any such pictures I will remove straight away.

Not really for lingerie (although, if it is pretty enough we might allow!)

Choose your prettyest pictures, you can add a new one each day.</sub>

about Angora girl fetish (77)

_{This group is dedicated to those who just adore girls in Angora. Whether it be a sweater, a sweater-dress, twin set or cat suit. Photos can be of celebrities, or of yourself too, The sexier the better, but no vulgar photos please.}

about Slutty at the office party (3)

_{This group is about those fun lovely women that went to the of office party knowing exactly what they wanted. How did you dress to the festivities?}

about Naked Nerd Girls (4,599)

_{Post your pictures of yourself or your girlfriends or just any girl who is wearing glasses, using a computer, or doing anything nerdy. And like the title says, let's keep it naked!}

about being naked outside is so exciting, exspecially in the public ey (399)

_{the name says it all}

i'd like to watch the sun come up in a strangers arms..

there are words building up inside of my head - trapped in between the cold and the lost and the what now, who are you, why did i do that or think this. i almost want to try plucking some out just to feel the rest of my head try to sort itself out. i can't, though. they are in there and holding things in place until i can deal with some of them. or perhaps so that i might never have to deal with them at all.

i have felt an exhaustion of sorts creeping into me the last few days. i want to label it tired of trying or tired of caring but it's not that - there is more. i realize that right now there is not a single person who knows me entirely, and i don't see that i will ever let anyone know me in that way again. while this carries with it some level of profound sadness, i find myself convinced that it is easier and as a result more sensible. i'm told this sensibility stuff is important.

i haven't seen many birds, lately. it is so cold and i think even the strongest are quivering amidst tree branches somewhere, at this point. i want to see the rows of tiny feet perched on power lines sagging in the heat. i want to walk outside and not in one place for an hour every night.

having started to re-read a portion and hopefully finish the autobiography of Benazir Bhutto reminds me that i do not always pick the best sorts of things to read when i am feeling this way. the descriptions of torture and the injustice and the horrifying things that people do to eachother. at one point she is discussing some things that occurred in Pakistan the year i was born and i felt so sick to my stomach to think of it all. i felt sick all day today, as a result. and maybe i am just tired because people disappoint me on so many levels on such a regular basis.

recently though, i finished reading The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao. and for this i am grateful. it was given to me as a Christmas gift, a seemingly random selection from a large bookstore. it won some awards and high praise from several reputable sources. initially, i didn't know quite what to make of it. now i think of it as a sort of modern Love In The Time of Cholera. it has also convinced me that there is little reason to pursue a romantic relationship, or any sort of relationship really, beyond the incomprehensible need to torture ones self.