There is a theory
about the Irish accent
, which I am partly responsible for - it states that Ireland
doesn't actually exist
. Let me explain
I was born in England, but lived in Ireland most of my life, so I have a kind of half English/half Irish accent. I consider myself more Irish than English, and am eligible to take Irish nationality if I want to have an Irish passport and get continuously stopped by stupid British customs officers - cause terrorists (who are from all over Ireland, including Dublin, Cork and Kerry) always fly fucking Ryanair and wave their fucking passports around, don't they? Sorry, digressing...
The thing about Irish accents is, as any Irish person can tell you, that non-Irish people can never successfully imitate them. There are exceptions - Daniel Day Lewis in "My Left Foot", for example, got it right, and if you live there for a couple of years you eventually acclimatize. But usually, for some reason, whenever there's an Irish character in a tv show or movie, they will employ anyone except a fucking Irish person to play it. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you: "Far and Away". Oh. Dear. God. "Aye Shannon, yer a corker" - what? I mean, what? Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman, you are found guilty of grievious bodily harm to the Irish accent. "The Devil's Own" - oh Brad, why didn't somebody tell you? Chris O'Donnell in "Circle of Friends" - won't somebody please think of the children??
Some quick pointers for movie/tv show producers and anyone attempting Irish accents:
- "George" is not pronounced "Jarrj".
- Ireland, like most countries, consists of many different regions, all having their own distinct version of the accent. There is no one Irish accent. If there was, it still wouldn't sound like Tom Cruise in "Far and Away".
- Irish people do not say "begorrah", "to be sure", or "top of the morning". Ever.
- Irish people do not all live in delightful, picture-skew thatched cottages, and do not all travel about on donkeys and carts.
And so, the Irish accent theory:
- Nobody can imitate an Irish accent properly.
- It is actually so difficult, that not even Irish people can do it properly.
- Therefore, there is no "real" Irish accent.
- All so-called Irish customs and culture, like thatched cottages, big dances on the Titanic, and "begorrah", are not actually true.
- Therefore, there are no real Irish customs or culture.
- Therefore, there are no real Irish people.
- Therefore, Ireland does not actually exist.
QEfuckingD. I'm not a dentist, but it sounds logical to me...