I think Humanity is beautiful in all of its aspects but - sometimes it repulses me too. What I love about people is their ability to fight on, to transcend the baseness of the world and somehow find their own place in it. Humanity can find perfection in the imperfect, and that is beautiful. I come from a Quaker background, and Quakerism teaches that there is that of the Divine inside of every person. I believe that it is our humanity, our search for Truth, for Beauty - which Keats believed to be one and the same - that is our Divinity. And I believe that Love, could be described as this same thing - the recognition of Truth and Beauty in another thing, or another person. We all have it inside of us, it just manifests in different forms. Some of us find our Bliss- the focus of our Love - in art, in the driving inexorable need to express our innermost being to another person. Some of us find it in interpersonal love - which is really the same thing, in reverse - in Love one finds oneself wishing to know the innermost being of another person and to have that person to know yours - in short, for perhaps only a brief but none the less real moment, to become one with another human being. For some of us, our Truth lies in each other. Others find their Bliss in the Truths of the outer world, the mechanics behind things. These are the physicists and the clergy, those who quest for the Truths beyond the scope of humanity. Well, I shouldn't say beyond the scope of humanity - many of the truths these people search for deal with humanity and their place in the world, what it means to be human and what it means to live in this world.

And then there are those that no longer search, who have become mired in the pursuits of their day to day life. This is not necessarily out of choice. Indeed, people have really only recently had the option of concerning a decent period of their lives with non-mundane activity. Many people still spend their entire lives, nearly all of their time, just working to get by. But this is not exactly what I am referring to - I am referring to an attitude. Many of the people I know who have lost their bliss are quite well off enough not to spend every waking hour in the pursuit of subsistence. But they have lost themselves in their possessions; they have achieved a love of money instead of a love of Truth, content in the baseness of commerce instead of the nobility of pursuit. They have lost that very drive that defines us as human, whether it be in their own possessions or in the quick fix of a drug. Not that I am necessarily saying that money or drugs are bad. It is merely the love of these substances, the infusion of them with artificial meaning to the exclusion of all else that robs these individuals of their drive, robs these individuals of their humanity.

What about me? I guess you could say I'm a little of the first two with a bit of grounding in the third - we all have grounding in the third, the desire to stop the madness and hold everything in one golden moment forever. But I have always been a searcher, and I think - I think I have always seen the Truth of Nature and the Truth inside another human being as really the same thing: the desire to Know, the desire to Be. Everything else is secondary, including the means of approach. On the one hand I sit here thinking about the nature of Love and the meaning of life and on the other. I have walked at nights through city streets drenched in rain looking for someone to talk to, someone to connect to for one brief moment. I have walked, and I have seen the people talking to each other - and I have seen my own reflection in the sidewalk made wet by the water soaking my coat through to my undershirt. And I have walked through life, trying to find someone to connect to for a brief moment - for at this point I think I have come to the fairly certain realization that my personality cannot sustain a permanent relationship - finding that person and moving on in a whirlwind of confused passion, eclipsed bliss, and a certain soreness that lingers under the tongue. I go through an increased cycle of desire, connection, and expulsion tightening as I reach my adulthood . and all I can do is think to be petrified of the day when I am bedridden, with no-one to talk to, no-one to visit me, and the burning need to express myself. In the end, all we really want is to Understand, and be Understood.

I think I have seen the face of God, or almost anyway. It was almost a vision, inspired by a conversation about the Universe. To me, and in my vision, God exists as a single point of impossibly bright light, within which exists everything else. Humanity, as a creation, had to exist as a part of that singular whole. God created life with the ability to observe the rest of creation, and with the ability to arrange the other parts of creation according to its will. With our powers of observation, we see the rest of the world, the inanimate world, going through a perpetual fall, a perpetual loss of energy that brings it closer and closer to stagnation. We observe the overpowering effects of entropy. We have also observed that by traveling at exceedingly high speeds, by increasing our energy, the Universe itself begins to collapse - to collapse into the beauty of a single divine point, out of which everything grows. (see Special Theory of Relativity). Given the ability to alter the world in which we find ourselves, we have the power to, in more than one manner, bring ourselves closer to the Divine Essence - but the way we see to get there, the path through energy to the Perfection from which the universe is cast, is not the way that will bring us home. I guess in this sense you could say that I believe in original sin, the thing which cast us from the creator and will never let us go back, or at least will not let us go back the way we came. We still live in the Garden, but we do not see it for the trees.

In the end, it's all the same, isn't it?

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