The top ten differences we'd notice if our genitalia were on our hands:

10. Less fistfights, more crotch-kicking.
9. Michael Jackson's one glove would be even more unusual.
8. Three words: Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
7. Political events, what with all the handshaking, become much more interesting.
6. New stupid joke: "Hey, is that your IQ, or are you just glad to see me?"
5. Phone company abandons slogan "Reach out and touch someone".
4. US surgeon general's top priority: paper cuts.
3. E2 writeups suddenly start discussing palmistry at great length.
2. The Pope insists "giving someone a high five is only for procreation."

And the number-one difference we'd notice...

1. Even at the worst performance, actors would get a thirty-minute ovation.

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