I get compliments, but they are almost always regarding my mind. Of course, in this format, words are all you have to go on
. People read my site or my nodes
and give me what I would consider to be the best literary compliments, that what I have said has touched them, affected them, inspired them.
The men in my life may say the same things, or think to themselves those things. They say I am intelligent, articulate, complicated, intriguing. Ideally, I'd like to believe that most women would want men to say this of them, so in one way I feel very lucky. But in another way I feel cursed.
I think about relationships and how I have always had high standards of men I consider. Most guys regard me as a woman they can talk to, around whom they can be themselves. By default, I assume this means that I am not considered a viable romantic option.
People say that they want their SO to be one of their best friends. But I wonder if men really expect their relationships to be simpler than that, to not be as fraught with tension or the ups and downs that a friendship is known to have, or at least, the ones I have.
What leads me to believe this is due to my interaction with men who are taken. They can talk to me in ways that they can't or don't talk to their SO's, which makes me wonder why it is that as you get more intimate with someone, you can tend to not tell her things as much because you are afraid of losing her, your vulnerability makes you afraid. As common as that is, I just can't accept that for myself. I want more.
So I think about what chances I have, being the way I am, of someone falling for me in this way. Would I only frustrate and aggrivate him, would I simply be too much to handle, when all he wants is someone to not have to think around?