Today is just another day
It's easy to say that to yourself when you are just waking up in the morning. Those first few minutes of consciousness
, you aren't all-there. It takes a second to remember where you are, and what you have to do that day. For that short period of time, that day feels like any other day. It's a wonderful feeling, Those first few seconds, before you remember the contents of the day before, or the things that you have to do today. It's like a sober daze. You are well-rested, but you are confused. I spend the majority of my life confused with what life is and what I'm supposed to do with it. The difference here is at this early part of the day I actually have an excuse.
Inevitably, my awakened consciousness hits me like a freight train. I suddenly remember where I am, what's going on, and what I have to do today. Today is, in fact, not like any other day.
Today I am in jail.
I look around for a moment, taking everything in. I remember yesterday - I remember my sentencing. I remember being taken crying from the courtroom. I remember the ride here in the back of the state van. I remember yesterday - sitting here, thinking of nothing, wishing I was free. I remember yesterday - wondering who I had become, what kind of monster I was to deserve such a perilous fate.
It isn't yesterday. It's today. I have to focus on the future, that's the only way to make time move here. I know that, I've been here before. I am going to be here for a considerable amount of time. If I keep dwelling on events past, that time is bound to move slower.
And all I want to do is get out of here, as soon as possible.
A lifetime isn't that long. I will probably be okay. All I have to do is find things to occupy my time. I will likely write a lot. I wasn't much of a writer in school, but I can surely fit sentences together - I am definitely literate. I know that writing about the things that are going on in my head will make the time go by faster. I have to do something, anything I can to make that happen. If I can't figure out how to do that immediately, there is no worry. I have plenty of time. Time is all I have, anymore.
It was your system that brought me here. It was your system that told me that I was unfit to live in society anymore. It was your system that told me that I couldn't be among the masses - who are just like me, but are better at hiding it. It is your system that's screwed me. And I'm going to spend the rest of my life here, because your system thinks that if I don't, I may kill again.
I don't think I like your system.