I'm not there yet, but I think I'm getting close. (Thanks goes to E2 as a whole, because they're showing me that I get more kudos for noding only what I truly feel like noding)

I still want to impress people. Let me say that first off. I think that a desire to have people say, "Ooh! That's cool!" about what you do/have done is healthy. But only when it is not a mastering desire. We all love kudos, but living for them is a grave and unhealthy imbalance.

But I'm trying hard not to put my ego on the line when I do things. It's so easy for me to attach my ego to, say, my programming skills. I like to think they're very good. But by so considering, I tend to put my ego out there, for a better/equivalent programmer to pummel. You see, it is a fine line between honesty (ie, "I wrote suchandsuch an app in C"), and impression-making (ie, "I am the ultimate C programmer!").

It's a strange and difficult process, and my ego isn't helping much. For instance, I want to release my programs as open source. But -I- want to impress people with my programs. I don't want to let Joe Schmoe steal my thunder. And I have a hard time truly convincing myself that I won't get de-thundered, sometimes. Or, rather, that getting de-thundered is not a bad thing...

But for the most part I've succeeded. I don't care, too much, if people surpass me in a parallel way. (IE, they have a faster computer).

Actually, what's most annoying, is when I have to deal with people who want to impress/surpass me. They tell me endlessly about their computer knowledge and fast computer. And it gets damn boring, especially when they do have a faster computer...

This is when being an upper-middle class white male is fun, because I have a nicer house, family, AV system, home network, media library, etc. than they do. Usually after an extended session having to listen to them, I go home and contemplate this for a few minutes, then feel much better. I don't know if this is healthy or not...

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