Being a backstabber isn't as difficult as it may seem, but it does require a modicum of acting talent, and a process which takes dedication and determination. Today's lesson is how to use people by backstabbing them.

  1. You're going to have to find somebody who is potentially useful to you.

  2. Establish a rapport with them. Learn their schedule, bump into them. Meet them and make friends with them. If you've already established a good relationship, you're set. If not, then you may as well find somebody who can get you what you want, so stalking type discovery of who they are isn't out of the question, as long as they don't know you're behind it.

  3. Attempt to become a 'good friend', a 'trusted associate' or the like. This part is vital. It may require complete alteration of personality given the situation's demands, and you may find yourself ailing in these situations. Keep your eyes on the goal, and make the attempt to get what you want worthwhile.

  4. Once established as a confidante, you've got to learn how they can potentially hurt you, and how you can potentially hurt them. Find what they are most easily tempted by and learn about how they'd react to different situations. Try to be around them enough so that you can 'get in their mindset'. This will help you for the next step.

  5. Scheme. Scheme scheme scheme. I can't say it enough. Never put anything in writing, or where it could ever be found by anyone. You never know who'd let drop the hint that you weren't all that you seemed in front of your target. Suspicion breeds suspicion, so nobody but yourself should ever know what you're up to. So make up scenarios in your head, think about how your prey would react to things that you do, and plan on how you're going to get what you want out of the relationship.

  6. Get what you want. This is the part where you get what you came in for. Take it, and don't pussyfoot around about it either. If you've taken a liking to your target, then you've already failed, as you may feel guilty later. Don't burden yourself with this. For those who have taken a liking to their target, they can attempt to perform this step innocuously, getting what they want, and making everybody happy. For a real backstabber, and for the truly hard hearted, you can perform this step under pretense, allowing someone else to take the blame, thus preserving your predator/prey relationship for another time.

These steps are just a rough outline of the process. Individual tastes may vary, and you'll have to fine tune, and custom tailor these to meet your needs.

Have fun, and don't do anything I wouldn't do!

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