It had to be done.
She had locked herself in an unfamiliar bathroom, inside an unfamiliar place, belonging to an unfamiliar person, on an all too familiar New Year's eve. Champagne had been popped, toasts and kisses were given, and she disappeared to this unassuming place, away from unassuming friends.
It had been 364 days, 23 hours, and 53 minutes since she had first tasted a kiss, a nip, an "I love you", had her first world built. The time when that had all fallen apart was much fuzzier, much as that pained her. She pulled out her phone, pathetic as that might seem. Then again, this was a pity party; things had to be properly pathetic.
Please tell me you still remember. She let out a breath she was holding, and a tear fell. She wiped it away, laughing at herself for being so stupid.
Beep! A new text greeted her. I do
Thank god. Of course. It had to be remembered. It was far too intense, far too perfect, far too heartrending for it to be forgotten. ..Right?
Another deep breath, and a short reply. Good.
Why? WHY? Because it was the most pivotal thing that had happened in her life. Because it was important. Because if she forgot, she would die. Because not remembering it, every minute of every day would be impossible.
Just... I don't know. Those moments are acid burned into my memory. Some petty, damaged part of me wanted to make sure I'm not the only one.
She felt even more damaged for not totally speaking her mind.
Understood. I know how you feel.
Oh really? Because she felt like she was being ripped into two different directions. Her heart was supposed to have been given to another person, but she knew that was not the case.
Yeah... I'm sorry. I just... I can't help it.
THAT, of course, was the reason behind the pity party. It couldn't be helped, when looking at the clock.
Don't worry about it. I still remember everything even though it's fuzzy until I'm reminded. It's difficult to even attempt to forget it.
Good. It really was remembered. That sent a wave of relief over her. She was not alone, for a single moment. That moment would not last long, but at least she had now.
I can't. I know that no matter what happens or what I do or how much time goes by, I'll never forget it.
It was true.
I can easily say the same.
She frowned at the phone, even as big wet globs were coming out. That was unfair. All of it was unfair. Why couldn't their minds be spotless, and they forget the whole thing. The tiny voice in her head told her why.
And... no matter who I'm with.
FUCK! She had to think of a way to cover for that. That was totally inappropriate. They were both with other people. Saying that was a come-on. A hasty follow up.
And I do know that when we wake up in the morning things won't have changed.
This, of course, made her feel worse. That knowledge cut through worse than razors she never dare use. Heavier tears rained down, and she knew the pity party would be full force soon.
Yeah. Things like that aren't changing. I don't think either of us could forget what happened, no matter what else happens.
Why the fuck did she have to agree? She put her phone away, now to the point of shaking. This had been a bad, bad idea. Oh, god, was this a bad idea. A tiny sob escaped. She rarely cried. A cocktail of anti-depressants and birth control took care of that one. Sobs were unheard of when it came to her.
She sat huddled on the bathroom floor for what felt like forever. Had it really been forever? She didn't dare check her cell's clock, lest it she have a new text, from her or another well wisher.
She got up, now sore from sitting curled for so long, and wiped away the last of her tears. She looked in the mirror, and splashed cold water on her face, hoping that would make it look like she hadn't cried. Once her happy veneer was in order, she unlocked the door and marched downstairs, ready to never show the world what she really thought.