There are so many inventions that are harmful or useless or just plain silly. But this writeup is dedicated to any God or Goddess out there who might be reading this: Thank you for making breasts.

Yes, thank you for inventing breasts. Boy, do they come in handy. Not only do I get complimented from my boyfriend on them, they give me a reason to wear attractive bras made of lace and pretty colours.

God, thank you for inventing breasts for me to lactate from. What would babies drink if women didn't spray milk from their chests every now and again? That prolactin (the stuff that makes the milk) and the oxytocin (the stuff that releases the milk when it's being sucked) that comes out of the breast? Sheer genius.

And that 80 to 85% fat that makes up the breast was a master-stroke. That's what makes us get attention from the males of our species, I hear. They seem to be somewhat obsessed by our boobies; lucky for all of us, or humans would die out!

O Lord my Savior and my Master, I, Thine unprofitable servant, with fear and trembling give thanks unto Thy loving goodness for all Thy breasts which Thou hast placed so abundantly before me, Thy servant. I fall down in adoration before Thee and Thy breasts and offer Thee, O god, my praises for this MAGNIFICANT creation; with fervor I cry to Thee: O God, deliver me henceforth from all adversities and mercifully fulfill in me such of my desires for thine beautifully round creation as may be expedient for me. Hear me, I entreat Thee, and have mercy, for Thou art the Hope of all the ends of the earth, and unto Thee, with the Father, and the Holy Spirit, be ascribed glory, now and ever, and unto ages of ages.

~Tony Toepfer~
Parody of one of many Catholic Prayers of Thanksgiving

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