A fridge alarm is a small device that makes a noise when it senses light, and can be used for different purposes. One use is to beep if you leave the fridge open for too long. Another is to signal to parents that their children are rummaging in the cupboards for the crisps.

A third purpose is supposed to stop people mindlessly snacking. They open the fridge, and the alarm makes noises to startle the compulsive snacker out of their food-induced daze. The version I saw in a store was a small plastic pig which grunted and squealed.

I think that’s a bit insulting.

It’s also not going to work: It will just run out of batteries, and if the batteries get replaced by some snack-preventing Good Samaritan, then the person who it is supposed to be helping will either hurl it out of the kitchen window, or grow to associate the pig noises with tasty food. The fact that the fridge alarm is in the form of a cute piggy-wiggy and not a hideous monsterpig just makes it more likely it will become the snacker’s food mascot.

Though I find the idea of a snack alarm slightly odious, I nonetheless have come up with a better idea after watching a certain film. Which of these sounds like a more successful scenario for stopping spontaneous surreptitious small-hours snacking?

The light comes on in the kitchen, and a figure enters, approaching the stark while box in the corner, and opens the fridge. A small plastic pig makes grunting noises as the compulsive eater rummages for a snack, smiling at the fridge alarm. Laden with foodstuffs, they close the fridge door and retreat from the kitchen to enjoy their late night repast.

Or...

The light comes on in the kitchen, and a figure enters, approaching the stark while box in the corner, and opens the fridge. They are greeted with a blazing tableau of an art deco temple, a hellhound springs into view, and an evil voice voice shouts...

ZUUL!

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