Five sonnets to the aloof one, from the spring of 2004.
A continuation of Five sonnets to the lovely spurner, Five sonnets of contemplation,
Five sonnets of erstwhile joy, Five sonnets of vanity.
So long was it since last I saw your face,
Until that visage found me out again,
Which having seen, I've no way to replace
Phantasmagorias that roam my brain
At this fell fact. Darling, had I been aware
That your appearance was so imminent,
It would have better let myself prepare
To see my season's liveliness there spent.
But witnessing you then so spur-of-the-moment,
I cannot from my mind your sweet self banish,
Nor that uneasiness about to foment
Because to my eyes you refuse to vanish,
Though going on ten years you have not seen me;
Nor shall a future glance of yours redeem me.
If ever you sat down right next to me,
I wonder what I'd say - timidity,
My feeble master, would quell verbosity
And send my calm off with rapidity -
Of that I'm sure. But if I ever mustered
Resolve to look you in your awesome eyes,
I could not stare for long, for there would bluster
Inside of me a storm to cloud my skies
And point me, as if wind to weather vane,
The opposite direction to your face.
And yet against the current might I strain
To take you in, while still this mundane space
Can from your presence benefit, until
You leave me and continue where you will.
"Where is she?" ask the fools who will not deign
To seek her who is hiding in plain sight;
So visible is she, like sun through rain,
One only need get used to sparser light,
And there out of the woodwork she'll appear.
Where now she is, though, few would like to look,
Her abode epitomizing dwellings drear;
The corner found, a most unpleasant nook.
Far off she sits: that's neither here nor there,
However; for a simpler answer rests,
Awaits their finding it, if once aware
They ever should become. But who expects
They'll ever get a clue? - "Where could she be?"
In here, I shriek, she dwells inside of me!
Most naturally, I've always sought my better,
Which must have been what led me to your door;
But will I ever get my act together,
And show you, darling, what I did that for?
When you have slinked away, out of disgust
Or fear, whatever - girl, you ought to choose
To fight your natural instincts, so unjust
(Unfair are they as fair your skin's sweet hues)
And let me try, just once, to win you over.
And if I fail.... Perhaps that has been done
When we weren't looking, when I inched close, closer,
And every fiber in you leapt to run...
Oh, you are right to castigate my nerve
At seeking such as I do not deserve.
Too often do I feel into my throat
Unvented spleen rise, restless and upset
That in spite of all my sweat, someone by rote
Has won her heart; and I say, How could she let
The commonplace lay rights to her so fair,
And in the process bury her potential,
Her beauty, and her confidence, her flair,
The waste of which nobody deferential
Will tell her, out of fear of her offense,
And seeming lack of choosing on her thrust.
I should stay silent; but oh, her voice and scents
Waft over to me, and warn my love I must -
That we should build a future on our past,
That what she builds upon today won't last.