Do you remember SB-Talker?

Quite a while ago, when I first got my then top of the line 486 bawx I discovered this text to speech program in the SB16 directory. This discovery changed my life irrevocably.

The ability to make my computer gabber gibberish at me had a strange addictive quality (not unlike Everything 2). I would feed lines of consonant-vowel combos (e.g. babababagugugugu) and laugh hysterically as the sim-voice would strain itself trying to generate these noises. After a little bit of experimentation, I found out that adding punctuation to the mix could raise the comedic bar a smidgen higher by constantly changing the pitch at which the noises came out. After about another hour of experimentation I could nearly make the program sing!

Well, ok.. maybe sing isn't quite the right word. Probably something more like "gargle violently". Suffice to say, there was some wacky noise coming from the computer room.

Back more towards the point, I decided at this time that I had to get someone over to see/hear this thing in action (not that my friends needed any prompting, this 486 was very hot stuff back then). After a little while there was a little party going on in my house, and people were waiting for the computer to blow chunks.

At some point, between one belly laugh and the next, someone suggested that story writing might be really cool as well. So it began.

Fantastic stories about samurai milkmen, weapons of mass destruction, and a Jamaican lad named Heebeegeebee were tossed about all night long, and in the middle of one of the stories was the phrase "find many cows".

I can't remember how exactly the phrase got in there, and we were all really tired and laughing at just about anything at that point, so it's very likely the story didn't make any sense at all. This phrase though, was the most hilarious thing I had ever heard in my life, and brought on one of my Fits of Uncontrollable Laughter(TM).

We began (in vain) to figure out what made the phrase so unbelievably funny by first singling it out. After that didn't work I stole the con back and wrote this poem:

Find many cows,
Find many cows!
Find many cows?
Find many cows.

Roughly half an hour later, after I could successfully breathe between fits of laughter, I wrote the poem down so I wouldn't forget it. To this very day, everyone who was there still remembers it, and I still play it back whenever I need a good chuckle.

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