Elyzabel, in Arthurian legend, was cousin to Guinevere, wife of King Arthur, the baddest Briton in town. She was imprisoned for suspected espionage by Claudas, king of the “desert lands.” This Claudas seems a rather scheme-y fellow, as he also seems to have imprisoned Guinevere herself at one point.

Arthur, naturally, was pissed. Claudas had the support of the Roman Empire, but that’s not gonna stop Britain’s top dog. Arthur says, “Free the girls!” Claudas says, “Get bent, Limey!” You can see where this is going. Arthur packed up his sword, gathered up Lancelot and the rest of the posse, and kicked the crap out of Claudas.

All this for a dame. Rather, a dame’s cousin! What happened next, you ask? Besides starting a war, nothing of note occurred for Elyzabel. Perhaps she fell in a well, or something.

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