I had come to some old farm to get a place to sleep overnight, and given a room at the basement. I went downstairs and checked around, but the whole basement was only one empty room. Only thing that caught my attention was a hole coming from the roof, and when I looked into it with a flashlight, I saw that it was a sewer pipe going straight up to the toilet upstairs! I wasnt going to accept the room, and suddenly I noticed a large spider on the floor. I was curious about it, but it twisted two wing-like things up from its back like two scorpion tails, and tried to sprout bad smelling oil on me with them, so I ran upstairs. No one seemed to be on the first floor, so I ran to the second floor though there were two or three bees flying around at the staircase. I had a bad feeling about the bees, so I went into some room and closed the door behind me. I looked into the keyhole, and noticed one bee trying to come in that way, but it seemed to be just a little too large to fit. I tried to blow it away, but my blow just somehow helped in the room. It didnt seem agressive against me at least yet, but I noticed that a window of the room was open, and few bees flew in from time to time, so I ran to close it. It didnt stay shut, but after a few seconds it opened and bees started to come in at higher pace so I tried to close the window quickly. I walked slowly away from the window, but it opened by itself again and bees started flying in like a flowing river so I had to escape the room. I opened the door, and the whole staircase was totally filled by swarming bees! It was still my only chance to escape, so I ran through the swarm and hoped that they wont sting me. Since bees die after stinging, none of them considered stinging me worth it, and I got downstairs, where I immediately kicked open the front door and jumped out from the house. During the jump I noticed that I was going to land directly on a pile of fist-sized bees those were protecting their queen, even larger bee. It was too late to change my direction, but the bees were huge and flexible so the pile somehow worked like a trampoline, throwing me high into the air. I flew at running speed at the height of the roof of the house, so I had to quickly think of a way to land safely. In the air I managed to catch highest branches of a slim tree, and while the tree bent from my weight, my speed slowed enough to jump on the ground. I started running away, but then I heard the old lady of the house shouting "Dont worry! They dont mean to harm you!", but I woke up..

Baby's First Astral Projection

  • I'm in an office building, surrounded by bustling employees. After taking a ride on a long conveyor belt, I walk outside into the warm afternoon. Looking around at the grassy hillsides I become very lucid. I bring my hands together in namaste, mentally saying a prayer for a powerful and continuous dream awareness. With eyes closed I exert my now fully-conscious will to transport me to the elementary school of my childhood. It's a comforting place where I've spent many a dream-filled night. When I open my eyes I am standing in the big green field bordered by a line of towering eucalyptus trees. There are children playing in the playground, some in the field. Again I exert my will, this time to lift myself up into the air and fly around above the area by merely pointing. After awhile I return to the field. I stand for a moment, watching the wind make waves across the grass, watching the huge eucalyptus dance and sway in the breeze. I then remember that I have wanted to try astral projection from a lucid dream for some time now, but have never succeeded. Again I put my hands in namaste and pray for the strong will power needed to accomplish this metaphysical challenge. First I flex my will by trying to teleport back to the original office building. My first attempt fails because the daunting task of astral projection has brought poisonous doubts into my consciousness. In the dream world, where every thought, desire and fear shapes reality, no matter how small or trivial the idea, a thought of failure will instantaneously cancel out a willful thought of success. Thus my will to teleport was nullified because my mind was not free of hesitation and doubt, not clear and purely focused on my intended goal. So, with a few moments more concentration, I easily flick over to the office building and flick back to the windy field. Now, again in namaste, I focus my mind upon the astral projection idea. I've never done it but I have a conception of it: out of body, extremely lucid state, able to visit the real waking world in the vehicle of the astral body or the much subtler realms of the metaphysical universe. On this concept I focus until all sounds fade into a quiet roar, as of the ocean, and the darkness behind my eye lids becomes speckled with light. My body feels as though it is floating weightless in a horizontal position and, not only that, is gently stretching into a longer, thinner and more delicate form. My hands, palms together, are extended above my head and it feels like I'm made of saran wrap stretched to twice my normal length. The cosmic roar of the Om grows louder, rising into a perpetually more dramatic crescendo. The light flashes brighter and brighter in my eyes and my body feels as though it is being stretched into one long spider web thread, infinitely delicate.


The final battle is at hand, and each of my generals is squared off with with one of the enemy bosses. The first three battles turn their tides in our favour, and now all that's left is the final battle and the destiny of the empire is in my hands.

Oh yeah, and I'm Luke Skywalker ready to confront Darth Vader in a ludicrously symbolic battle. I can see his base a good distance to the northeast across this glacier, but instead of heading toward it, I take the shortcut by way of jumping off the cliff to the west.

As I am falling the thousands of feet to the icy archepelago below, I give not a single thought to skydiving or the fact that I might be dreaming. (However, the word tantamount crosses my mind.) It's nine-point-eight straight down and the intense wind consumes my every perception. I try to steer toward a nice rocky atoll for a quick death, but the wind carries me far to the west of it and I fall surprisingly harmlessly into the sea. I rapidly plummet to a depth of about -32768 feet, only to find myself surrounded by nothing but air. A quick check of my absolute location confirms my altitude of 32767 feet.

This time I aim for water, savouring my terminal velocity. On impact with the water as hard as cement, everything shifts once again and I am standing in a traffic jam on the Brooklyn Bridge, and Vader is right in front of me. The intense velocity was just to account for the change in momentum involved in teleporting a quarter of the way around the world by way of stepping disks.

I wake up. The fan is on high and the phone is ringing.

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