I was just starting to dream
when I was awakened by a thwack
on my head
. My wife
had smacked me, and was sitting up in the bed looking at me with that "you asshole
I was irritated at first as I ran back through the day to see what I could have done that would have upset her enough to play bongos on my noggin. She just continued to sit there, glaring at me. "Don't think I didn't know what you were just doing," she finally squeezed out from between clenched teeth.
As far as I could tell, the only thing I was about to do was have another Milla Jovovich dream, which explained my irritability. "No, I don't even know what I was about to do, so could you explain it and why you thumped me?"
"I saw you two!" she hissed.
Now, sometimes it almost seems that we can read each other's mind. We finish each other's sentences, which weirds out our oldest daughter. We have her convinced that humans have latent psychic abilities that bloom when you are 18, which is why we always know what she's been up to. But the only thing I could guess was that my Milla dreams had leaked over into her brain. It turned out I was close.
Apparently I was at a lavish party with my wife and a bunch of people she knew. The host of the party was (and I have no idea why this is) Paula Abdul. They were best friends, and Paula made a bet that she could get me in bed that night. My wife said no way. Paula then flashed me sans underwear right in front of my wife, and I grinned like a big drooling fool.
About an hour later, my wife caught me and Paula wrapped around each other in some dreamy white bedroom, fucking like crazed weasels. My wife stood there stunned for about half an hour as I tossed Paula into position after position.
That was the point where she woke up and thumped me.
I spent the next ten minutes explaining that Paula Abdul could never get between us (and it sounded sillier when I was saying this to her). I calmed her down, and she apologized for smacking me. I told her it was just a dream, and not to pay it any heed.
I never mentioned my rendezvous with Milla Jovovich in my dreams.