Roughly a year ago, I was in a pretty bad place. Upper management had literally forced me into quitting my job. My car, my beloved car, was in shambles. It had gone on 16 months since I'd felt the sweet taste of a woman's lips on mine. My school schedule was so spaced apart that getting another job didn't look plausible.

So initially, I went into a sort of escapist funk. Despite the fact I had no viable source of income, I didn't refrain from going out to eat, going to movies, or picking up the occasional CD. With time, it dawned on me that I was pretty screwed. I was racking up credit debt, and the few cash reserves I had were being depleted. I worried constantly. In fact, I worried so much, I didn't bother to try to find a job.

One night, after a long, hard day of worrying, I went to bed. Sleep is, and always has been, one of my greatest pleasures. Well, that night I was to be treated to a magnificent cinematic experience.

Mach begins to move his hands in a very Wayne's World-esque manner.

Doodle-de-dooo Doodle-de-dooo Doodle-de-dooo Doodle-de-dooo

Mach lies in bed, distraught. His worries wash over him, and he tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Time passes, and gradually, he sinks into a hypnogogic trance, and finally, plunges into unconsciousness. He is asleep. Moments later, he shoots up. He groggily looks around, angry that his slumber ended so quickly. But as his eyes begin to focus on their surroundings, he begins to notice things. The alcohol bottles that were on his desk are no longer there. The bed he was sleeping in somehow moved to the other side of the room. He walks out of his bedroom, intending to sit down on his computer and check his email.

But his computer isn't outside his room. It's gone. The desk it sat upon, missing as well. Where his drawing table should be, there stands the old bar. He begins to get scared, and he runs upstairs. His Mom and Dad are making breakfast in the kitchen. "Dad, what the hell are you doing here?" His Dad looks at him, "I live here, duh." Mach begins to freak out. He runs outside to the mailbox, and retrieves the newspaper.

He scans the top for the date. Staring at him in big, bold print: May 10, 1999.

It began to make sense. He went to sleep in 2001, and woke up in 1999. He ran back inside and looked in the mirror. His beard was gone, replaced with a few fuzzies on his chin. He looked at his chest; the T-shaped hair patch was completely gone. He wracked his brain. He remembers graduating from High School in 1999. He remembers working his last summer at Best Buy, and going up to Michigan Tech. He remembers everything that happened up until he went to bed. And now, his mind seems to have leaped backwards in time, to a pivotal point in his life - Right before High School graduation.

And then I woke up, for real. I was in a cold sweat. Only an hour had passed since I'd gone to bed. I looked around the room. Everything was as it should be. I walked out of my room, and my computer was right where I'd left it. I breathed a sigh of relief, sat down, and then reflected on my dream.

And I realized how amazing it would be if that actually happened.

The person that I am now, wiser, more mature, level headed - being given a chance to go back before I made all of my mistakes and right them.

It wouldn't be the same as not having made those mistakes - I would have. I made them. I learned from them. But I got a second chance, to take what I learned and not make those mistakes again. I'd be given almost 2 years of pre-cognizance. I'd know what I had done, where I'd been, and the people, things, and events that happened there. I could do things as I'd done them initially, and if there was a situation that I didn't need to repeat, I could do something else entirely.

I thought, what would I do, if I had been given this chance? If the person that you are now suddenly found yourself 2 years in the past, do you know what you'd change? Would you change anything?

It would be impossible to do everything exactly as you'd done it then, because you're a different person now. The conversations you had then wouldn't be the same the second time around, because the new you would respond differently. Slowly, little ripples of differences would echo through spacetime, making your recollection of things less and less useful. One large change could completely make the rest of your knowledge obsolete.

I began pondering what I'd do...

Instead of quitting Best Buy and going to Michigan Tech, I could stay employed, take a year off from school, and save up money. In December of '99, when I met Gwen, I could be there to meet her again. I could do things just as I'd done, but instead of our romantic tryst ending 7 days afterwards, with me returning up to Tech, it could have lasted a bit longer. And instead of her ending things with me after using me, I could end things after willingly being used.

I could join diaryland, deviantART, and everything when they were in their infancy. Instead of coming onto the Counter-Strike scene in September of 1999, I could've been a part of the community when it started. Instead of ending up as a moderator on the forums and alpha tester of beta 7.0, I could've gotten so deep into the community I could've influenced the game by beta 3.1 and become a critical part of the CS team by 4.0. It would've never strayed from its roots like it had.

Instead of having to flunk out of Michigan Tech for Computer Science in order to realize that I wanted to go into graphics design, I would already know that. And when the fall of 2000 came around, I could enroll in Macomb Community College, just as I'd actually done, and meet the same cool people I'd met before, in the same classes I had before.

My ability to draw would be as it is now, and I would be given another 2 years to get even better. In my figure illustration class, I could court Shauna more effectively, since I'd know all that I know now about her. It might be a pretty effective pickup line to walk up to somebody and say, "I can learn a lot of things about you with a handshake," and then proceed to tell them details they'd only have told someone they knew well.

I could then quit Best Buy, and when Ides of March 2001 came, apply at the PC Tech bench there just as I'd done before. Except this time, I wouldn't allow the circumstances that led up to my being forced to quit to occur again.

And then, I could take a leave of absence, take a trip down to the CIA's headquarters, and let them know a month in advance about the September 11 attack. I laughed at how incredible it would sound, "Hey, I was living in the future, and I woke up in the past, and there's going to be this huge terrorist attack on September 11th. Here are the flight numbers. Stop them before takeoff and arrest these people."

The end result is that I would be in a better place, educationally, financially, and mentally. The world wouldn't have seen the horror of what happened that fateful day. This would be a mammoth explosion through the future worldview I'd known, and the future would be completely different. At this point, I'd be stepping off into uncertainty. Just as we all do every single day of our lives.

But I'd be in a fantastic position in my life to do so. I'd be ready for whatever new things the world threw at me.

I looked at the clock again, and 2 hours had passed since I'd begun my musings. I promptly went back to bed.

Every now and then I find myself coming back to this dream, and my subsequent thoughts. I find myself longing that someday, when I go to sleep, precisely this will happen. I fully realize it won't, but the utter futility of a desire never stopped me from longing for it.