so here it is.. christmas.. im strangely not as depressed as i thought i would be.. i spent time
in chicago last weekend with some good friends.. it was a lot of fun.. i spend my days lost in my own mind.. not sure what i am
looking for exsists.. wondering if hope really is null.. spending some nights intoxicated.. sometimes to lose myself.. othertimes to
seek deeping into my mind and dreams.. spinning so fast i need to catch my breath.. i watch others.. deceive.. get hurt.. act
selfishly.. trying to hide it behind wanting to help others.. it makes me wanna curl up and die.. sometimes i see a glimmer of truth
and love.. and it helps me to flourish.. i was listening to juliana hatfield "become what you are" reminds me of high school days..
god i cant believe it was over 5 years ago i finished there.. anyway.. juliana hatfield is like a little girl.. she has a tiny voice.. but
can wail.. she sometimes sings about love.. or simple things.. other times she just screams hate for things like sluts and models.. in
this sweet little girl voice.. maybe she reminds me of me sometimes.. i dont know

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