Writer's foreword: I'm Christian, but I have a sense of humor about it.And after the way Jesus was rewarded for all the good things He did around Jerusalem, I'm pretty sure He does, too.



Leonardo Da Vinci's famous painting "the Last Supper" has been the cause of much scholarly debate over the centuries. The following is my interpretation. Some background interpretation is required, so please bear with me.


Yes, I will agree that Jesus went out into the desert and was tested by Satan. And yes, I will also agree that he passed this test. As his graduation present, however, I believe that Satan taught Jesus how to make bread and wine out of cactus juice. Jesus then went back into town and started making use of his gift. But people started following him around to get free food and wine. So Jesus said "What the Hell". He then started picking on the ones with the most money in their pockets. He'd get 'em blacked out drunk and roll 'em. And since Jesus had God given gifts for sleight of hand and extra sensory perception, they couldn't even be sure that Jesus was the one that emptied their pockets.


Back to "the Last Supper". Starting on the right, these three guys are discussing what to do with Jesus if and when they catch him. Of these three, the furthest left is agreeing with what the person seated next closest to Jesus is saying. "Let's beat him down" is what his hands say to me. The one next closest to Jesus from the "beat him down" guy is trying to hold back the two behind his shoulders because he knows what's going down. The one behind his other shoulder is giving Jesus a "fuck you" as used in some countries. You just can't see his finger move because it's a painting.

Starting at the other end of the table, the one furthest left is "the Great Gazoo" of Flintstones fame. He was called in to use his E.S.P. blocking powers to try to catch Jesus. You can tell it's the Great Gazoo because if you look at his feet you'll see that his big toes are on the wrong sides. The next three towards Jesus are just trying to stay calm because they see that Jesus is about to fall into the trap. Then the next guy, with the little sack of money in his hand, he's getting ready to pay off that girl sitting right next to Jesus. She was brought in as Jesus' mark. You can see it's working, too. She's starting to nod off a little, and anyone who's ever been in a crack house can recognize Jesus' maneuver to steal her wine while she's not paying attention. That's a "reach" if I ever saw one. They caught him about 5 seconds later.

The next day they nailed him to a cross and threw rocks at him until he was dead. This was on Friday, and they all said "good".

A couple days later, everyone who was in on nabbing him walked east to go fishing in the river. That's why they call that Sunday "Easter". They also went swimming in the big salty lake. After they'd had a couple beers they decided to call it "the Dead Sea", because he was finally dead.


On a side note, the only reason Methuselah lived so long was because he was such a damn drunk. You could've gutted that man and filled his internal organ cavity with straw and he would've kept living. He probably never would've kicked the bucket, but he got bored and decided he'd like to see what comes next.